A short time ago I was given the challenge on a lovely trip with some new friends. Walking through a butterfly conservatory we were tasked with taking a photo of something in the room that was filled with so much beauty that we could use to describe ourselves or what we wanted to be in our lives. I watched the lovely butterflies moving about the room, dining on fruit and just being their amazing little winged selves. I looked up at the ceiling and was dismayed to see trapped carcasses of dead winged butterflies. Why in this place of beauty was I focusing on the saddest aspect, the death of beauty? I felt a warmth on my shoulder and through a space there shone a light. The sun as it was moving down on its nightly trek was touching my shoulder softly. I didn’t want to see the darkness and it was at that moment I decided what the most important thing I saw and the piece I took away from in that moment was that I wanted to be a light. I wanted to be a light in someone’s darkness.
Once I returned home from that trip those words kept coming back to me. I would find the moon peering in at me through cracks in the shades to wake me up for a week straight, and the other day as spring was slowly moving its way into our area I stood out in the sunshine and looking up saw a cloud that was rainbow-colored. Not a full rainbow, but just what must have been a wet cloud acting like a prism as the sun fell through. I rushed in to get a camera to capture the moment to share but most of it had dissipated by the time I got back out there. This left me a little sad. I had a tough day at work and here is this bright spot and I can’t keep it forever. I can’t share it. In hindsight, special moments like these are what I find to be the sweetest parts of life. I needed to say something to myself, something that would last and so I wrote a letter to myself.
Some days I still laugh a bit when I say those words but I know it is necessary to you to hear it and believe. I know how you felt when the words fell on you with that sun, to be that light and I know some days when it seems so very dark that you forget and that’s why I’m here. There are so many times in life that bring you joy and happiness and like the rest of the world you want them to last forever. It cannot. They cannot. Things evolve and change and if it was always sunny you would tire of it, if everything was always great you’d be waiting for something bad to happen to break up the monotony of it all. You have memories to remind you and someday they too shall fade away leaving you wondering if they ever really existed at all. That too shall be sad but that is life. The important thing is the quest. So many give up waiting for good things and beautiful moments to happen and they get so let down when it doesn’t fall in their laps. You keep searching though. You look to the sky and see beauty, even if only fleeting you continue to look. You share words with the world and you show your visions with glee. You are the light that you wanted to be, you just didn’t see it but others did. Don’t forget to give the gifts of yourself, to listen, to share, to love. The dark days don’t last forever because somewhere there is light. Look within and unwrap your wings and fly into that blue, fly high and live in the light. You deserve what we all deserve. To be happy, to smile, to dance, to love, to live. Be that light and never fear the occasional flicker, that’s just me reminding you to charge those batteries and shine brighter. We will do it. We will find that crack in the fabric of any darkness and we will shine and we shall be blinding in our joy. We are the beauty of a rainbow, we are the peace of a gentle rain and we are the pieces of this world that will shine through.
I read this on days when I feel drained. When the world leaves me weary and I need to feel the light. Have you ever written to yourself? If you haven’t, what would you say? Try it some time and you will find that you know yourself best and know what you need to hear the most.
It will make you feel better and I thank you for letting me share my light with you.