When you wish upon a star…

Hello most beautiful people of my universe, how are you doing?
I would love to say I am awesome, I am spectacular, but really? I’m just meh. I’ve been absent for a bit having lost two loved little kitties in a three-week time span and it has left me staring at the sky asking yet again for answers. But alas, the sky doesn’t normally speak out answers like a contestant on jeopardy so I am left to find out for myself. That’s ok, I don’t mind but guess what? There are no answers and I have to accept that fact.
When I was a child I tended to dwell a bit in the fantasy world of books and my own writings to fill in what I wasn’t finding already written. I still haven’t grown up and that’s ok. I’ve got you to talk to now and hopefully lend an ear, offer encouragement or just plain admit that I don’t have all the answers. If you have them, feel free to pass the note, I’m all for cheating on the test of life it gets me a passing grade, and I think that’s why the universe gave us each other. To teach, to learn, and in doing so, to grow.
Many mornings I stand outside staring at this vast sky and think Wow, I’m just a small cog in this big plan. To hold my cat as he lay dying I had to tell myself that this is just another step on the journey. I gave him love, I gave him kisses but he was still going to die. There was nothing I could do but just be there for him. We are never ready for death. The old joke that I understand now as an adult is the only constant in this world guaranteed is death and taxes. They both suck. But they both exist and we have to deal with it one way or another.
I tend to hold my emotions in and lately have actually been getting good at letting them out. Just a little at a time, in my own way but I am letting them out. I guess I’ve been looking at it like clutter. Emotion is clutter. We can keep gathering the emotions like a little or depending on how many, a big hoarder. They take up a lot of space. Look up at space, now picture it full to overflowing with emotions, and I know it won’t be as pretty as the star filled sky, more like a smog choked sky in my mind’s eye. All of that emotion, you choke on it, you trip over it when you least expect to and after a while you forget how to let it go. You may need it in the future, right? Gotta keep it. Gotta keep dwelling on it. But that emotion will keep building, and it will make you sick. It will wreak havoc with your body. You will be sad, frustrated, angry, or all the above and more. The sky will rain emotion. It will not be pretty. It will hurt more with each passing day.
Okay then, we’ve hoarded our emotions. They are us. We’ve become a built up a big heap of emotions.
We can’t get rid of it….would take too much time. Who would want it? We can’t have a garage sale to get rid of it…They have no value except to us. What now? Can we call the big old “Got Emotion” truck to haul it away? nope….that would be like wishing upon a star. We need to own those emotions. We need to make a list of each one and in documenting and acknowledging their existence, we can then dig a hole in the yard and bury it. Or we can see if a friend wants to share and have them help to get rid of it. But we need to take stock of our pile and move past it. Move away from it. This emotion does not define us. It can’t hurt us anymore if we don’t let it. If we look that big old pile in the eye and say “Yeah, I see you there, you old pile….it’s time to let you go” You don’t serve a purpose anymore. I thought I needed you, I thought I needed to hold on to you but I really don’t and you’re dragging me down too”. Turn and walk away. Don’t look back. The pile will go away as you pluck them one by one and throw them out. What you will keep are the good memories, the happy times. Whether it was an amazing first kiss from a guy who turned out to be total pond scum or a first love that was alive but alas has now died, the loss of a parent, child or friend, keep the good, let go of the sad, the bad. You don’t need to keep that around. Be selective forward as you go through life. Acknowledge the emotion as it happens, talk to it, I think once you address it and own it, it will be okay with you letting it go. Wish upon that star for brighter days and to leave the darkness behind.
I cried as I buried my cat the other day. I do not cry, but instead of holding all of that so very sad emotion within, I let it out. I stared at that big blue sky and puffy white clouds above me and asked why? Well, I can’t answer that. But I looked down at the rock where below lay my precious boy and said out loud to the universe, welcome him please and let me be strong in letting him go. I will remember the good times. I will remember the laughter. I will know I was blessed to cradle him the night before and to have pet him in the morning before he took his last breath shortly after. I can have love for man and creature, and I can be sad for the death of all. I release the tears and let them wash away the hurt, the anger and the unanswered questions.
One less thing on my pile to carry with me to sleep at night and extra blessings to take their place instead. I found peace by letting it go. I have before me open places to be filled with more love and hope. I welcome the joy and the laughter and the beautiful moments in life to carry along as those are weightless in the big scheme of things and if it gets too heavy, well, I guess that means I just have more good stuff to share.
Thanks for listening to me and my process on things I’ve come to learn recently. If it helps, let me know or just teach me more on what works for you with clearing the emotional pile.
Wish upon stars for the good things that are coming and if one falls, well then that’s one more that will get here that much quicker.
Peace and blessings beautiful ones.
Kim

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4 thoughts on “When you wish upon a star…

    1. InfiniteZip Post author

      Hello beautiful, thank you so much Kasia. Been clearing a lot of emotion lately. Downsizing the house and the losses of the little ones was taking a toll. Letting go of the anger and wishing for the good, helping in many ways😊 peace and blessings to you dear lady😊 K

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