Well, this just sucks…..(of course it does dear, that’s its job)

Hello and howdy and Happy May my favorite peeps. Hope things are going well for you in Awesomeville. Finally spring is showing its beautiful face to the world with full moons (the sky variety), pretty posies growing in the dirt amongst the dog poop left over from winter, and most days the sun is shining when I get out of my day job (which is where I am as I write this). But even though spring is so very awesome, we know that with it comes chores. Better known in my world as house cleaning. I love house cleaning. I love it so much I am an expert at procrastinating my way out of doing it. But alas, sooner or later things crop up and bring me down to reality.
yep, time to get off the machine and get to work…I know, the tumbleweeds aren’t going to suck themselves off the carpet or from under wherever so I grab that “beloved vacuum” and away I go. But alas, it is too uptight. It won’t recline without a firm foot up its, I mean on it’s top so that the handle can come back for ease of duty. As you vacuum it slowly starts to rise and it looks almost as if you have really sweaty armpits that you are attempting to air out. This is not the case, and I do not….not that I’ll ever admit it, but no, I don’t. So this piece of Oreck machinery has been difficult now for a few weeks. Hubs keeps bugging me to drop it off to get it fixed but last time the cord got sucked up and the electrical tape became abundant in too many places, I took it in to the tune of 41$. Did I also tell you that hubby vacuums too? (Why do you think the electrical tape was needed in the first place, hmmmm???).
So he throws it in the back of my vehicle and I take the little machine in for a tune up/fix it or else repair. Did I ever tell you I name things? Well it is a quirk of mine and as I walked Petunia pickerupper into the Oreck disciples I proceeded to set her down ever so gently and explain that she can’t relax and will not recline back any more….And she reclined then and there so nicely (Beyotch)….so I put her upright again, and then layed her down…and she did. I looked at the tech who at that point was looking at me like I was completely insane. He explained that maybe there was a penny in there that must have fallen out….happens all the time he says….except I do not vacuum change or anything larger that a clipped toenail up. I smile sweetly and picked up Petunia for the treck back home. Well, the hubby was so excited that it was fixed so quickly, I then explain what had happened. Apparently when he threw it in my vehicle, it must have dislodged whatever was hanging up in the little ball socket for said machine. I go to recline the fair lady and…nothing…..gummed up again. He looks at me as if I am really crazy. I try to explain how she was working beautifully while there, and now this….Grrrr….He takes her so gently in his hands and tries. She grudgingly goes about half way (most likely similar to his prom date) and gives me that “well, it is a little better, but not much” lecture.
Fine, you take her in then.
I think it’s like a kid that pleads being sick till you get them to the doctor or the cat I thought was dying that I rushed to the overnight pay through the nose vet only to have her look all so cute and innocent and might I add, lived for another year after that expensive little trip as I carted her home after being deemed “just fine”.
Needless to say, Petunia is still in the closet. She sucks just fine, and sometimes she will even lay back and let you have your way on the carpet with her. Personally, I find these pricy vacuums to be a pain in the you know what, but my birthday will be coming up soon and maybe I can put in to the wish list this:
Now wouldn’t that be a hoot….and I’d be so stylish, dontcha know?
So I guess what I can take away from this is that vacuums suck, sometimes they can give you a laugh (as my now deceased coworker showed me pictures, Roomba’s are not good if the dog has accidents, it does not clean out easily and poo on the linoleum or the carpet is not art, it’s just smeared poop), and husbands who have issues with the equipment they insisted on buying can be the ones to return it for fixing and let them look like the insane ones.
I tried, I did not fail, she was being stubborn and now she can sit in the closet and ponder her punishment. I’ll go find the old one that still works, so take that missy!
We are doing our best but will never admit to being true experts.
Oh yes, and may the fourth (May the force) be with you today. Trust me, it took me hours to understand why all the star wars references today….just thought I’d let you in on the secret everyone knew but me….silly girl…yep, and sometimes a bit thick that way in the head but I’m ok with that.


5 thoughts on “Well, this just sucks…..(of course it does dear, that’s its job)

  1. spartacus2030

    What about one of those really expensive Dyson vaccums? Or perhaps just a wind tunnel fan blowing air out of your window? I like the way you bring to life your inanimate vaccum! Served up with hilarious insight and a classy presentation! Bravo!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. InfiniteZip Post author

      Thanks Spartacus, even let the hubs read it…we have a dud on hand blower at work in the bathroom….what? I can’t hear you…may as well stand on the runway at O’Hare next to a plane….ooh, tile floor and a broom. Yeah baby….that will fix petunia😊 thanks and glad u enjoyed😃


      1. spartacus2030

        Ha ha! Hehehehe! You are so right that we are in a screwed up world! Maybe we should disguise ourselves and start wearing T-Shirts that say something like: Clone No: 751-B on them.

        Sounds like a good background noise for a divorce… You’re always welcome InfinateZip! Cheers :O)

        Liked by 1 person

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