Hello and beautiful Wednesday my friends. The sun is shining and I am not in top form today but you know what? That’s okay. I had to practice my yoga moves last night in bed as both pups decided they too needed the cool night breeze of the fan and to get to it, lay upon any body part of mine that was available. It was so warm and I woke several times in a sweat and I could have gotten pissed and kicked them off but you know what? I didn’t. I pulled my leg up and over them and repositioned myself several times trying to get comfortable and fell back to sleep until the next movement came. The funny thing was each time I woke up, I could see the moon beyond the window and the nicest thoughts just came to mind. Nothing in particular, just moments for me to stop and ponder before falling back into slumber. Now after the fifth time of this I laughed because I wasn’t angry. I felt bad for the pooches and I know they were most likely as uncomfortable as me (or maybe hoped at least that they were). I awoke refreshed and in a positive mood. Now my husband would have booted them onto their own bed but I was realizing just how blessed I was at that very moment, to have my best loved human and creatures beside me. How could I be angry.
So many times when I am feeling irritated and cranky, someone will say something to me and if I am paying attention, I will realize that this truth I am hearing is a blessing. Little things happen in life and they too are a blessing. I went thirty years without my real father in my life and BOOM, he’s back and for being pretty much a complete stranger in many ways to most peoples thoughts, it is like he’s always been there. I don’t know a whole lot about him but I miss him when he’s gone. I tell myself I should pick up the phone and call and then the dog runs off and I’m on the chase living the real life and the thought slips away. There’s always something getting in the way of what I should be doing and then I end up unexpectedly on a tangent with doing something else. I used to used chemo head as an excuse but then realized its been 9 years and the gist of the matter is I just get easily distracted and need to reign in my thoughts. To be present, you know? Then I get irritated that I didn’t follow through. I know life is like this for many people and I hope you somewhat agree with the assessment. To reach out and touch someone (like the old phone commercial) should be so easy. It’s not like we have to forrage for a dime (which then became a quarter and then more) because the cell phone is right there so why not pick it up and make the call? Heck, Superman doesn’t even have a changing stall anymore like the old days. We need to pick up the slack Superpeople and make those calls. I remember the days of the these words coming out of my mouth.
“Maybe I should have checked in”
“I have nothing new to say so why bother”
“I’m sure they’re probably busy and I don’t want to be a pest”
“Why would they want to hear from me?”
What happens when it’s too late? What happens when you get the call that there will be no more? WHat happens when so much time goes by and you keep telling yourself, “oh, I’ll get to it”and then you don’t and now it’s too late? The person who would have been on the other end isn’t here anymore….gone……no goodbyes, no I love you’s….just the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach of coulda,woulda,shoulda…..and now it’s too late. Life is real. Feelings are real. If someone really cares, they will never look at you like you’re a bother, an inconvenience….Never. Ever…..
If you can’t make the call even a simple email will do, just to say Hi, I’m thinking of you. You matter. That’s my beyond real thought. Being real is great but going beyond real to awesomeness is a rock star moment. To feel the love, to hear the tones of the voice, or to just see a beautiful photo taken in the woods by a father who is no longer a stranger, who sent it because he saw it and thought of me. The feeling I know as truth that “I matter” and by sending that one picture and phrase, well my friends, I think I’m truly the richest girl in the world…..And the tears of happiness prove that this grinch (just kidding) can have it’s heart expanded to almost bursting proportions….Now that is REAL.
Thanks Dad for the beautiful photo. I love it. I love you too.
Peace and Blessings my friends, now get out that cell phone and burn some minutes already.