Category Archives: Health

Stress is Shit..aka…the route of all evil?

Hi beautiful people,
I have been away for awhile with obligations outside of the blog world (as in bought a new house and what a fun ride that is with paperwork) but I am back again and sooooo very happy to see you all. I hope you’ve been practicing the mirror beauty beauty on the wall, I am the most awesome of them all, or whatever mantras been working for you. If you’ve forgotten, I’m here to remind you, male or female, you are a magnificent creature and you need to remind yourself many times a day. A habit will be made and even if you don’t feel it some days (like when a new grey hair crops up like a corn stalk out of your eyebrow… oh wait, never mind…that’s me) if you keep saying it, it WILL make you feel better.
So todays topic is going to be stress. I’ve been learning alot on how to handle the latest and greatest life mood breakers and how to swerve around them, or at the minimum, hit them like the nasty little speedbumps that are put out like a pair of shoes in the dark that you trip over on the way to relieve yourself for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night because you drank too much champagne in celebration of your awesomeness the night before. Kick ’em out of your way, swear if necessary but you gotta get to where you’re meant to be and a lousy pair of loafers are not gonna slow you down. Hit that bathroom, or your life, run full speed ahead. Don’t look back, don’t look down and for Gods sake, only stop to look in the mirror to tell yourself yet again how beautiful and awesome you are. So where were we before the mental speedbump hit and stubbed our toes, our moods and sent us careening into a mood of pissiness? Stress. Yes, the equivalent of the four letter other word that begins with S and rhymes with hit. Because truly, stress IS shit. Pardon my non French.

Stress….that vile little six letter word. Should be banned from our vocabulary. Should be called what it really is at least:
That which ruins moods
That which should not be spoken aloud
That which will kill us
That which makes a great morning into a hellish afternoon
That which takes us away from being our full happy blissful little selves
That which makes us look old sooner
That which should from henceforth be bannished from your life.

I apologize in advance for the toilet humor today but that is what I think of when I think of stress. Going to the bathroom. Either you handle it like a rock star on a liquid fast or you handle it like a bound up two year old. How do you look at stress and the situations it arises from?

When thrown into a situation that has your insides tied in knots, red in the face and ready to cry, how do you handle it?
When you know darn well if you open your almighty pie hole and let loose it will get messy, you may ruin something (your career, a relationship, could be anything, really) do you pinch the throat sphincter and hold all the nastiness in? Do you say heck with it, poops gotta come out sooner rather than later? Or do you just stew awhile longer and go home to let loose there?

See the comparison? Stress is not a good thing at all. It needs to be set free and flushed from your life as soon as possible. Moments when you feel it on the brim do you start breathing faster and getting anxious? Or do you just take a moment and relax knowing that this too shall pass? Do you find once it has passed that it wasn’t what you thought at all? Maybe it was just a smattering of gas that dissipated quickly and not anything to get too worked up over. Maybe it was just needing a little kick to get itself into gear so that it could pass nicely without all the fuss. Maybe it’s held in until the point it hurts so much from being clogged in your mind that once it blows, well, you get the idea. Maybe it had some spice to it and now you’re afraid of the burn after. Cayenne anyone?

People, beautiful people, you have to learn the signs and see it for what it is. Laugh at it. Talk about it. Call it names if you must. Doo doo, nastiness, poop, shit. It is what it is and guess what?
Shhhhh….everyone has some. Everyone goes through the SAME EXACT THING!!!! Maybe their stress looks pretty and doesn’t seem as foul, but it’s there. Some people’s stress is particularly vile, trying to suck you down the pipe with it, dragging you into the sewer of unhappiness and misery. Get out, pull yourself up and out…don’t let them do it. Don’t let their toxicity taint you.’Cause you’ve got your own. Don’t drown in theirs.
Wipe it away. Don’t use the cheap stuff. Use the gold plated scraper and get that nasty stuff off. You’re worth it.
Breathe in and out with measured breaths. Relax. Loosen up. Let it go. If you are relaxed it will slide away. If you are tight and angry, that’s shits not gonna go anywhere. Try it. You will see that flower fragrant bloom in your mind as you spray away the remnants, leaving yourself scented sweetly and you will walk with your head high. You will smell like a rose. You CAN do it. Turn that switch, hit that handle and be done with it. You are too good for the outhouse of sadness. You deserve the throne of gold. You will feel amazing. You will feel beautiful. You will know that through it all you emerged unscathed. You will stand tall, suck in your tummy and say man, that was amazing. People will look at you like WHAT? But you will lose that stress. You will emerge victorious and once the battle has been won, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.
So next time you find yourself stressed think of this tale and decide how are you going to handle that nastiness. I think the choice might be a bit easier. You will feel lighter. You can picture the person causing you stress as a big piece of poop that isn’t going to get the better of you. Scrape ’em off, scoop them up and don’t look back as you take your little gray Baggie of thoughts and deposit them in the big can in your mind. Garbage day is coming soon. Just put the lid on tight so it doesn’t escape and spray the happy thoughts all over your divine self. Be the happy egg. Be the golden egg.


All aboard, next stop…destination procrastination

Hello there my beautiful friends and I hope this day is finding you all charged up, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed after some of you may have lost that hour of sleep. You can’t tell to look at you because you KNOW how beautiful you are. I am writing today about one of my absolute favorite topics…Procrastination. For me this is such a wide topic I will most likely split it into several articles over the next few weeks but today we are going to talk about a healthy exercised body (or in some cases not so much). Hmmm…where to begin. Okay….enough dragging of the feet. Exercise. That word which to me most often ranks right up there with Dieting.
See, I can see the jump up and down excitement on your face over those two words but I can do you one better. I am so awesome….at procrastining. I tell myself often, I’ll find the time or maybe this weekend or as soon as I’m done here wasting time doing what I think is busy work but I know it for what it really is….Now repeat after me….Time Suck….yep, that’s what it is. Be it a video game or daydreaming out the window like the little boy Ralphie from the old Bugs Bunny cartoon…wasting away the moments that make up a dull day….
So, how do we beat this TIME SUCK attitude that we can all have? We know what needs to get done. Now we just need the oomph to get it done. Well I find getting angry at myself (not for real of course) but a mental guilt trip and a speech worthy of a king…see it goes like this.
“Yay, I got the dishes all washed, so now I get to take a break and sit down because you know I’ve been busy at work all day and I need a break. Besides, this way they can drip dry and it won’t be so much more work”. And then I never get back to them.
And then I wake up in the morning and see the pile of now semi dry dishes and I get angry at myself for being a lazy slug and not doing them in the first place….Now I look at the clock and tell myself “girl, had you done them in the first place you wouldn’t be so pissy now”. Sooooo…fast forward to the next night, the next load of what seems some days like a never-ending pile of dishes. As soon as I go into my slug routine, I tell myself “look hon, just think if you get them all done tonight, think how much easier your morning will be” And then I tell myself all the things I’m going to get done instead…morning me time ROCKS….time to read, to write, to NOT have to do dishes. What an amazing concept.
Which gets me back to the original line of thought…see, even my mind procrastinates…Exercise. Yeah, about that….
Did I tell you I have an Amazing yoga DVD? It came in a box with a mat and a book. The mat is nice and cushy and the book shows all the yoga positions you will use during the video. Yeah, it is amazing….except I’ve never even put the DVD into the machine. But the box is pretty. The mat is blue…Yeah, about that. I look at it every day, figuring if I put it near my dresser when I get my wardrobe of awesomeness out I will see it and I will FINALLY try it. Then my brain being the funny little creature it likes to be actually forces me to grab the video, hold it in my dry little hands and words come from nowhere that I knew existed. “Maybe I’ll get fit by osmosis”. If I hold it long enough it surely must work. Now even I know better than that. So, what’s a girl to do? I have dishes to do, I have no time to work out. I have Time to suck away…no time….so I will make a date with myself. Grab that calendar and put in a spot when I know I will get to it. And if I don’t do it, well, I will worry about that when I don’t. Maybe no writing for me until I get it done…what do you think?
What works best for you when it comes to procrastination?
What gets you off your butt and moving?
See, we are doing this together and being imperfect as I’ve said before, we will muddle through together being the beautiful creatures we are….but maybe later. Who knows.
Let me know your thoughts….we can make a difference together.

Sorry I just felt the need to insert the sponge twice…he makes me smile and maybe I will laugh about this later….get it, later???

Because it’s all about the Brie …..not the Kraft

By now I’m sure you’ve  heard the song “all about that bass” or in some cases wish you hadn’t. I don’t have much bass to say the least but if you are on your way to the bass you gotta hit the speed bump that is known as my stomach first. Well now, that’s more about the Brie….and the swiss, and the cheddar, and the fondue, and the ….well, you get the idea.  Yep, I love my cheese. As a child the fondest memories were of parties at the holidays and tables filed with champagne glasses, fresh fruit (or at least  as fresh as you could get in the deep arctic of winter in Western New York) and of course cheese, cheese, and more cheese. Did I say there was cheese there?

Yes, all about that lovely soft goodness…which was great when I was young but alas, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can no longer ignore. I’m not that young anymore and with wisdom and bigger pants comes the lightbulb moment I had waited for. I cannot have my dream job….


But I can have something much better….a longer life filled with the cheese I adore, but at just the right amounts. I can buy a brick of swiss and by gosh eat it in a week, and a very large wedge at that…or I can gather some nuts and berries and eat more of the healthy stuff and still nibble like a mouse.


Berries and kiwi and apples, oh my. I can eat the colors of the sweetest rainbow and make less room for the cheese. It worked…

As time went by I found I did not miss the platter of cheese, cheese, and only cheese and I felt so much better. One baby step to feeling better and it worked. Now I’m not saying I have left cheese alone. Not by far and the other day was gifted with a box of my childhood favorite, Kraft Macaroni and cheese in the blue box of course…When did it call for a whole stick of butter? Or had I been in denial all of this time? After eating some I realized, if I am going to build my body to where I want to be, it could certainly improve more if I had instead, one little wedge of Brie or swiss and I would feel so much better. It’s all about what makes you feel better, right? I am not denying what I want but instead replacing the crap boxed cheesy stuff for the spectacular. If I want just a little cheese, I go into the store and have them cut just a small wedge…why tempt myself with an enormous piece…because it will go bad, right? So there for I will need to eat it faster, right? And I can’t waste it so I must eat it all and soon, right?

Nope! Just a little will suffice. (kind of like the mens cologne…just a little dab will do you). I changed my thoughts away from must have, and want want want, to I just need a little bit to make me smile, to make me feel worthwhile and warm and cozy inside. I buy swiss now in ultra thin slices and just have one, and no more guilt. I deserve to have a piece. I am worth it.

I am not worth eating the entire brick….see, I can have my cheese and eat it too….keeps the inner mouse quiet.


Now about this cheese cake. Nothing says love more than high cholesterol and clogged arteries, right? Just sayin’.

So go for the brie, but just a little and skip the blue boxes and the speed bump will thank you in the long run…the cows may not be so happy but then there’s more for someone else, right?

Step away from the table… keep calm and nibble on.