Category Archives: Uncategorized

The Psychology of Self-Motivation

I am amazed by this TED talk. Take the time to watch the video and you will not be sorry. Learning to be better people I believe is something we all strive for and learning from others is most important. Being a tribe of souls on a journey and expanding our perceptions, seeing things from other points of view, that’s what life is all about. Listen especially to the story about the cookies.

the ChangeYourLife blog

Hiya,

Do you ever wonder why you just can’t get certain things done in your life. You know you want to but for some reason you always find something else to do instead.

Watch this short TED Talk – it may just throw some light on Why.

Enjoy

Stu

🙂

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Living a full life (after a bag of gummy bears of course)

Hello most beautiful people of this universe!!! It is Monday again and that means I had a light lunch and actually had time to chat before going back to the joy known as work. I hope your week was amazing and that good things and good thoughts are flowing through you like a wildfire. Burn it up baby, burn it up like the sun because you shine.
I’ve spent the weekend actually getting off of my ass for a change (just kidding) but doing some actual muscle exerting movement. Filling boxes with the clutter I have managed to accumulate for the last 29 years (yeah, I’m 29…and have been for many years now) and actually taking the time to be present in my life. Trinkets and doo dads I lift up from a drawer and I stop and ponder where they came from and a lot of the time asking myself why am I attached to this item? You know, that is probably one of the hardest things I’ve been doing lately. As each item goes either in the garbage bag or into the box to be sold in the near future I almost hesitate. It is SO very hard. Memories are attached to these pieces in many cases. I ask myself, if I died tomorrow, what is going to happen to all of this? The answer being, same thing I was doing now. It has no meaning to anyone else except to me. Then I ask myself do I really need this to remember these memories? Photographs live in a box, pulled out occasionally but other than that, everything else is just stuff. Do I need it? or do I want it?
Most of the times I am answering with a file it to the sell bag. I emptied out almost an entire drawer (my bedroom junk drawer). When I was done I felt a little bitter-sweet about the whole thing but later as I lay down to sleep I know I made the right choices. These things do not define me. I can live a full life without them. I can write about them someday if I feel the need but once I walked away, I said my goodbye and out they went. I’ve done this in other areas of my life too.
I have been so busy moving that when it is time to sit down to eat to nourish my body I am finding I am not that hungry. I used to be the gal who had at least two helpings and now I can barely finish my food. So knowing this, I put less on my plate to begin with. I went shopping and cruised the snacky aisle….the one with the chocolate and yummies that I always seem to crave. Not being a big chip eater that aisle never calls to me but the sweets, now that is another story. So much to choose from. BUT, every time I picked something up, the little munchkin in my head said, nah, not in the mood for that and I in turn agreed and put it back. Finally deciding on a small bag of gummy bears. They amuse me with their bright colors and chewy texture and the candy crush game is a fave of mine if only for the fact that I like to find the bears. So sitting out in the sun on a break from my work of sorting crap, I pop open that bag and pop a few in my pie hole. Chewy and soft I drank some water to wash the remnants down and I was sad. They didn’t have much taste. They didn’t make me happy. I really didn’t want them. In the past I would have eaten them all, every last one and not to even share any. Now my joy of the gummy was gone. Why? I loved them and I wanted them and now, meh….could live without them. So what changed? I did. I am listening to my body. I am fueling it with better quality and nicer things. Fresh green beans, hard-boiled eggs (minus the dry icky yolk),nuts (brazil) and a chunk of creamy blue cheese spread on just a few crackers. These things have my taste buds jumping for joy. I am not even eating it all, just a few as I sit with friends and socialize. I am eating to nourish, not to just squelch a craving only to have a sugar crash later. I feel awesome. I am walking with my back straighter, sitting that way too and sleeping so soundly not all bloaty and weighed down with gummies that probably are not even digestible. I have lost 6 pounds in the last week and a half and now I am truly excited. I am making the changes in my mind and in my life/surroundings. I am going minimal and good quality and I will be the rock star Goddess if I can help it. I will because I can. When I started this blog I knew that thoughts are what you become. If you feel like a lump, you will carry yourself like a lump. If you feel amazing, you will carry yourself as if you are amazing because you are!!! You will make changes in your life because you want to, because you know that even just one change is the catalyst for more. If you do nothing, you get nothing. If you try, you will succeed.
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I stood up to the little red, yellow, clear and green gummy bears who were like a little army in a bag tempting me to find them and demolish them. I came, I tried a few, and I walked away. I think they were probably sad, and most likely went to hide behind the honey squares. (Eating the honey is good, eating the bears, no)
I’ve won the game. I’ve advanced to the next stage. I can either ask my friends for help when needed to keep moving forward or I can sit there on the same spot forever and be miserable. I choose to win. I choose to get off the couch, put the game aside and really show the world what this girl can do. I will continue to let things go from my cluttered life. I will pack up the boxes and if someone wants to buy these trinkets, I will give them my blessing and maybe tell them what it had meant to me. Take these things off my shoulders and feel the burdens lightened. I will put the fork down after maybe a second helping of salad or beans and I will banish the gummies forever. So take that you little rubber bear I think as I try to crush him under my foot. Real life candy crush….but he won’t smush….geez, I wonder what that thing is really made of….and now he is stuck in my slip resistant shoe tread…..crap.
Peace and blessings to you, now get out there and make just one change. Your mind, your mood, your eating habit, or anything you desire. Just one….you’ll be surprised when you see how good it feels. If you need a little sugar boost, I’ve got a half bag of gummy bears for sale.
No time to play, back to work….chop chop…..see ya soon my friends.
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Stress is Shit..aka…the route of all evil?

Hi beautiful people,
I have been away for awhile with obligations outside of the blog world (as in bought a new house and what a fun ride that is with paperwork) but I am back again and sooooo very happy to see you all. I hope you’ve been practicing the mirror beauty beauty on the wall, I am the most awesome of them all, or whatever mantras been working for you. If you’ve forgotten, I’m here to remind you, male or female, you are a magnificent creature and you need to remind yourself many times a day. A habit will be made and even if you don’t feel it some days (like when a new grey hair crops up like a corn stalk out of your eyebrow… oh wait, never mind…that’s me) if you keep saying it, it WILL make you feel better.
So todays topic is going to be stress. I’ve been learning alot on how to handle the latest and greatest life mood breakers and how to swerve around them, or at the minimum, hit them like the nasty little speedbumps that are put out like a pair of shoes in the dark that you trip over on the way to relieve yourself for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night because you drank too much champagne in celebration of your awesomeness the night before. Kick ’em out of your way, swear if necessary but you gotta get to where you’re meant to be and a lousy pair of loafers are not gonna slow you down. Hit that bathroom, or your life, run full speed ahead. Don’t look back, don’t look down and for Gods sake, only stop to look in the mirror to tell yourself yet again how beautiful and awesome you are. So where were we before the mental speedbump hit and stubbed our toes, our moods and sent us careening into a mood of pissiness? Stress. Yes, the equivalent of the four letter other word that begins with S and rhymes with hit. Because truly, stress IS shit. Pardon my non French.

Stress….that vile little six letter word. Should be banned from our vocabulary. Should be called what it really is at least:
That which ruins moods
That which should not be spoken aloud
That which will kill us
That which makes a great morning into a hellish afternoon
That which takes us away from being our full happy blissful little selves
That which makes us look old sooner
That which should from henceforth be bannished from your life.

I apologize in advance for the toilet humor today but that is what I think of when I think of stress. Going to the bathroom. Either you handle it like a rock star on a liquid fast or you handle it like a bound up two year old. How do you look at stress and the situations it arises from?

When thrown into a situation that has your insides tied in knots, red in the face and ready to cry, how do you handle it?
When you know darn well if you open your almighty pie hole and let loose it will get messy, you may ruin something (your career, a relationship, could be anything, really) do you pinch the throat sphincter and hold all the nastiness in? Do you say heck with it, poops gotta come out sooner rather than later? Or do you just stew awhile longer and go home to let loose there?

See the comparison? Stress is not a good thing at all. It needs to be set free and flushed from your life as soon as possible. Moments when you feel it on the brim do you start breathing faster and getting anxious? Or do you just take a moment and relax knowing that this too shall pass? Do you find once it has passed that it wasn’t what you thought at all? Maybe it was just a smattering of gas that dissipated quickly and not anything to get too worked up over. Maybe it was just needing a little kick to get itself into gear so that it could pass nicely without all the fuss. Maybe it’s held in until the point it hurts so much from being clogged in your mind that once it blows, well, you get the idea. Maybe it had some spice to it and now you’re afraid of the burn after. Cayenne anyone?

People, beautiful people, you have to learn the signs and see it for what it is. Laugh at it. Talk about it. Call it names if you must. Doo doo, nastiness, poop, shit. It is what it is and guess what?
Shhhhh….everyone has some. Everyone goes through the SAME EXACT THING!!!! Maybe their stress looks pretty and doesn’t seem as foul, but it’s there. Some people’s stress is particularly vile, trying to suck you down the pipe with it, dragging you into the sewer of unhappiness and misery. Get out, pull yourself up and out…don’t let them do it. Don’t let their toxicity taint you.’Cause you’ve got your own. Don’t drown in theirs.
Wipe it away. Don’t use the cheap stuff. Use the gold plated scraper and get that nasty stuff off. You’re worth it.
Breathe in and out with measured breaths. Relax. Loosen up. Let it go. If you are relaxed it will slide away. If you are tight and angry, that’s shits not gonna go anywhere. Try it. You will see that flower fragrant bloom in your mind as you spray away the remnants, leaving yourself scented sweetly and you will walk with your head high. You will smell like a rose. You CAN do it. Turn that switch, hit that handle and be done with it. You are too good for the outhouse of sadness. You deserve the throne of gold. You will feel amazing. You will feel beautiful. You will know that through it all you emerged unscathed. You will stand tall, suck in your tummy and say man, that was amazing. People will look at you like WHAT? But you will lose that stress. You will emerge victorious and once the battle has been won, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.
So next time you find yourself stressed think of this tale and decide how are you going to handle that nastiness. I think the choice might be a bit easier. You will feel lighter. You can picture the person causing you stress as a big piece of poop that isn’t going to get the better of you. Scrape ’em off, scoop them up and don’t look back as you take your little gray Baggie of thoughts and deposit them in the big can in your mind. Garbage day is coming soon. Just put the lid on tight so it doesn’t escape and spray the happy thoughts all over your divine self. Be the happy egg. Be the golden egg.

Got list? Time 2 Get 1….

Hello you beautiful shining people. It’s finally Friday but that shouldn’t matter when every day is awesome, right? If the sun is shining, the day is flowing smoothly and all is well in your world then congratulations on reaching perfection.
Today our topic is going to be about lists.
Do you make a list to go grocery shopping each week? Deciding what’s on sale (if that matters to you) or do you just aimlessly walk the aisles in search of good vittles? Do you plan a menu for the week? Do you know what you’re going to eat for the week or do you tend to be spontaneous?
Do you know where you’re going to….(theme from Mahogany for those old enough to remember)…just a bit of fun of course, but really, do you?
When you were young were you asked “what are you going to be when you grow up?” or did you already know? The reason I bring this up is this. If you are like me, forty some years later I was still deciding. I wasn’t ready to grow up (I laughingly thought in my head) so how should I know what I wanted to do when I got there? What was my passion and what made me the happiest? Well, that was a lot of things but until I sat down and really gave it some thought and made a LIST, I did not know. If you already know and are following your dream, hooray and congratulations!!! That is simply awesome! REALLY!!! But for the rest of us we need a place to start.
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When you were little you most likely wrote to the big man in the red P.J’s each Christmas and asked him for a boatload of stuff. Toys, rarely clothes, just fun stuff, right? Well think of it that way. Write yourself a list. Ask yourself what do I want out of my life…Where do I want to go….What would really make my life awesome….that kind of thing. Write it all out and say it out loud. Does it sound right? Does it get you excited just thinking about the possibilities? Now say it louder, like you really mean it. Like running outside at midnight banging pots and pans and shouting to the world Happy New Year, shout your wishes, your wants, your goals to the world…do it.
If you don’t get it out there, it will never happen. Dreams die slow deaths when we keep them inside. The universe needs to know exactly what you want to help you make it happen. It does.
If you didn’t ask the big man for the gifts, how was the big man’s parents supposed to buy them for you? You will not get what you want if you do not put it out there in a clear concise way.
So write that list….are ya done yet? Ok, I’ll wait.
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Alright, list is done while you sipped that awesome latte and you may have even added to it. That is great. The more you think on it, the more you will find you will add. The magic of life happens when we at make a start and you have to start.
So the list. Read it every day. OUT LOUD. If you get feedback from your family that is skeptical, ignore them. Believe in yourself if no one else does. Regardless of what anyone says do this. Ask them what their dreams or goals are. Most likely they will tell you none, that’s why they want to step on yours like an ant and make it go away. You are going to gain confidence and if this is something new, it will scare some people. That’s ok, because this is YOUR journey, not theirs. You have to walk the path, make the list and believe in it.
So you’ve got the list,, now what? Well now you make another list. What can you do to start working toward that dream? What resources will you need, whose help, etc…go to sleep each night and ponder it and you may find you wake with an answer in your mind. But ask yourselves these questions.
Let me know how your list works out and if you want to share, of course feel free. The most fun part of this life is that you may think your dream is too far to reach for but once you put it out there, if someone else reads it and can help, most likely they will because they have dreams too and maybe you can help them. It is like a big family of dream makers out there that read, that want to see their list get accomplished because at the end of the day, nothing feels better than crossing that dream off like done, baby, check. Now what’s next?
Happy pondering and have an amazing dream listing weekend.

Happy? Holidays…and how to keep yourself happy.

This is a tale of being happy during that time of the year called the holiday season , or in some folks cases, not so very happy. Each of us was gifted with a covering called skin. They come in a variety of shades, some with freckles, some with scars, and some with what seems to be varying thickness. Mine is somewhere in the middle on the thickness scale. The times that test that thickness I find seems to be everyone’s favorite? time of the year. Those Hallmark moments called Holidays. Most come with a merry or a happy as a prefix but the more people I encounter, the more I see for a lot of us it may not necessarily be true. It’s not always the most wonderful time of the year. I remember an Easter years ago that I spent painting my apartment. It was a great day. I was productive. I was covered with paint but getting something done that I didn’t have any other time to do it. Then the phone calls came and I was reprimanded which then lead to feeling guilty. I was being made to feel something that had nothing to do with me but had to do with everyone else. I was content being creative. I was happy. I was alone and I was good with that. Nothing screams peace, or should I say whispers peace like the sound of silence around you.
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Obligations can drive some crazy. Driving here, driving there, eating too much at the family table and hours away doing something you may not want to be doing. When we were kids it was over the river and through the woods to grandmothers house we’d go. It was fun and we were happy, at least until our teenage years when life intervened and then we had better things to do, friends to hang with, and not lame relatives. Remember that? How attitudes change through our lives and as we get older and the old folks population kept decreasing we realized that maybe we should be happy to spend some holiday time with them. Or maybe we were even guilted into it perhaps. So what to do with this quandary? How do you try to be happy about something that any other day would be fine to do but maybe today you just don’t feel like it. You’ve got a project to do and no time, the kids are sick and miserable, and this is your one day to get it done. What do you do???
I have a lot of friends who are divorced and the holidays are a very tough time and if they have kids, even worse. Dividing your time so that everyone gets a piece of the childhood to share, a day for you and a day for me. It does not make people happy. Sooooo….how do you change your attitude and embrace the necessary? Boundaries….set them. If you cannot devote an entire day at Grandma Lou’s, set aside a few hours. There is no law that says you have to be there at the crack of dawn and drive home asleep after dark. Just because things were always done a certain way does NOT mean that those things can’t change. Have discussions on what works for you and re arrange the set in stone tradition. Create new traditions. Nothing pisses people off more (and a lot of people I know can carry grudges all of their days) than being told you HAVE to do something you don’t want to do JUST BECAUSE that’s the way it always was. Let folks know what you want. Stand up, speak up because if you do not, that little mean voice within you is only going to throw a tantrum later on anyone who happens to be around because you are once again mad at yourself. Set clear and concise boundaries…What is acceptable to you and stand your ground on it. If it pisses people off, too bad. It’s not all about them. It is about compromise. It is about staying happy on the Happy Holiday. Your time is valuable, just as your thoughts about yourself are valuable. Make the changes that will work for you.
It doesn’t mean blow off every family event so do not think I am saying that (but if that is your choice it is all on you) but live your life the way you want.
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You are living your play, living your Broadway showstopper life and you are the director. The actors around are there to support your dream but they have their expectations too. That you will play fair and find some enjoyment in what they do. Now there may not be a Tony for your directing skills but that’s ok. There’s always the Oscar to reach for. Go big or go home, right?
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You can have happy holidays, or any happy days in general. Just make sure you are spending the time doing what you want to be doing and not just forced into doing. Baby steps to happy begin with change and boundaries are just another step to getting there. Now, back to Grandma’s house….I think 3 till 7 works out just fine, cards with the old folks ain’t my thing and the dog at home needs attention too…and so do I, in a little quieter environment with my blanket and glass of wine.
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I’ll have what she’s having….the hidden green monster

Hello beautiful and welcome to another lovely moment in your life. By now I hope your habit is settling nicely into your routine and I will add an extra Hello beautiful to your day in case you’ve forgotten.So today we are going to chat about jealousy. You know what that is, right?  That ugly and never beautiful green-eyed little beast that lies deep under the bridge of your psyche. We all remember the movie “When Harry met Sally”, right?

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The restaurant scene had me rolling on the floor in laughter (which is great for the abs and heart by the way) but when looking back at it today I get a sense for what the under lying theme was there. An older woman wanting the passionate bliss of the younger more beautiful woman. You know how that is, right? You see a young gorgeous woman maybe with perfect EVERYTHING and you think to yourself, now that is what I want. Well think about it. If that’s what you want to have, it must mean somewhere deep down inside you are finding yourself lacking. If you want it, it means you don’t have it. Jealousy. It makes you feel like crap because you’ll never be beautiful enough in your mind, or your boobs may be sagging now and you don’t feel attractive any more or you may not have the perfect life you’d always dreamed of. It tells its little tales to your mind that convince you that those tales are truth. The tales are lies. Like monsters under the bed that are going to get you, If you tell yourself they are there, you believe it because if you believe it, it must be true, right? The only tales that are true are the good ones you tell yourself. The ones that bring you up and make you happy. The ones YOU tell YOU. The positive thoughts are all that matter, let go the negative as they serve no use. Cast them away as fast as you can because they are the rocks tied to your legs that will pull you under and drown you.

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The next stone of jealousy to be cast away are relationships and your thoughts. Perhaps it goes as far as a couple vibrantly happy that you see out dining or walking down a beach. You know the ones that just exude energy and passion. You look at your own life that may be hum drum and think why can’t I have that? Did you ever think that below your perception of how you see things, that maybe what you see isn’t quite real? Maybe you don’t see the bad times others have gone through, the feelings below the surface of each person before you. Maybe that happy couple is really a husband having an affair with his mistress on holiday. Not so perfect then, is it?

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Or maybe the happy masks people wear in public are hiding an abusive life at home, or it could be that they may truly be happy. Great then, but they are not you. The point here is really about you and how you feel about yourself. The next time you see something and think, “I’ll really be happy if I were that beautiful, or if I had that relationship”, ask yourself what is it about your perception that is really driving that want. Change your view on how you see yourself, challenge the inner you to tell yourself that YOU are just as beautiful and are just as happy but in a way that’s about you. Put on some clothes that make you feel amazing and go out into the world acting as if you are amazing because you are. Hold your head high and smile at the world and for once, don’t give a crap about what anyone else thinks. Care only about how you feel. You will become your thoughts. If you want to feel beautiful, know that you are. Don’t rely on someone else to validate the way you feel, because you are the only one that matters. If someone laughs because you are skipping down the road with a song belting out of your lungs because you feel alive, laugh along with them because when others see you filled with joy, they then get visited by the green-eyed monsters. They will look at you and say, “I want what she’s having” and in that moment you will win because you will feel it deep within.  This is my personal view of beautiful:

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I see a perfect body, a beautiful dress and a relaxed woman. But what I also see is someone who is not me. I don’t want to be her. She is already her own person as am I. I respect the beauty but I have no illusions that it could be me because I am spectacular the way I am, the way I was born and the way I look. I will get older, I will get more gray and I love who I am. I tell myself each day and that mind-set makes me so happy and free. Free to be me.

We are imperfect people at best on a good day but the difference between the truly happy and the rarely if never happy peeps are the thoughts that we tell ourselves as we wake each day. We can either wake up and say what another crap day it’s going to be (unless it’s about the weather and we KNOW we can’t change that) or we can wake up, stretch our recharged muscles, fling open the window shades like Julie Andrews blissfully running across the meadow and say Hello World, I am here and I am in charge of me and I’m gonna rock this day in a most amazing way. Smile in the mirror, hell, jump up and down and say YES, I am amazing and I am alive. Banish those green nasty thoughts to the bottom of the trash of ugliness and let those rainbow happy YOU ARE AMAZING thoughts shine!