Tag Archives: Beautiful

The tears of a clown….more lies to truth.

Good day and hello my beautiful friends. Another Saturday finds me listening to the new roof being hammered into place by the guys who are inspiring me once again to take down the old and put up the new. Years have gone by and the roof has stood up to the pounding effects of Western New York snow, wind and rain and even sometimes sun. The time has come for refreshment/repair. Just like us. You and me. We have gone through years of everything under the sun and we have spent years building layers, masks so to speak, and after awhile that mask gets a bit saggy and tired. Heck, it weighs so much and we may think under all of those layers lies such ugliness that we don’t DARE take it off. Maybe even with loved ones we hold that sucker firmly in place, we are ordinary beings and nothing special, right? Aw come on, you and I know better than that. We are awesome. We are rock stars. But if you are like me, you often forget it. You get caught up behind that mask and when the tears fall and slip out from below we feel so very vulnerable and we often run away and hide so that no one can see that we too can slip. Oh No, they can see that we aren’t perfect. They pity us. They are people who have all of their shit together and we are just make believe selves hiding.

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We may have the most beautiful facade but we are afraid. We are so worried about what others think of us and truth be known, people most often think only of themselves. You worry for nothing. Yet still we keep up that mask. We hide the sorrow behind the happy clown smile as if it is shameful just to be ourselves. Why? What would happen if we stripped off that mask and just let the warts show once and for all? What if we aren’t perfect? Well, then we’d find out the truth. The fact that we are just like everyone else. Everyone wears masks. It’s just that no one wants to admit it. How many of you enjoy Halloween? As a kid I think it was my favorite holiday. Why you may ask? Because it was the one day out of the year I could be anyone I wanted. I could be amazing. I could be a superhero, a princess or something else equally as amazing. But it was only for one day. Once I got home with my loot (the big bag of candy) the laughter kind of drifted away and I became plain old me again. It made me sad. I was just me again. I couldn’t pretend anymore to be something I wasn’t. What if we could be what we wanted? What if we could be amazing? Well contrary to popular belief we can. It is a little thing called self confidence. It is a word called honesty. It is a belief in ourselves and it involves taking off the fake mask and replacing it with a miraculous shining happy face that lies beneath.

 

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It is there, we’ve just forgotten what it looks like. We are just afraid of what we may find. When we become honest with ourselves we find that things begin to change. The mask slips a little, we connect on a deeper level with ourselves and others. When we are honest we have courage. It’s really not so bad. No one is laughing. No one is pointing fingers saying “look at her, who does she think she is? She has problems, she isn’t perfect either” because no one is and deep within we all know it. Be yourself. Think of yourself any way you want, just make sure it is honest. If you are a rock star super goddess, then that is what you are! But be real, and be you. Shine like the sun and go deep inside and heal that little child who is afraid. Be the lion and ask for courage and you will find you already have it, you have just hidden it away for far too long. A beautiful person is one who can be REAL by being honest with others and themselves. You know these people when you meet them. They connect because they have such happy energy surrounding them. They are the ones who may have a zit on their nose that they don’t try to hide (because things heal quicker when they are left open to the air instead of covered and festering), they are the ones who have some love handles, or as my Mom likes to call them muffin tops. Yep, I got some of that…built by muffins actually but they are slowly going away. Why? Because I stopped hiding them. I stopped worrying about them. I HAVE A MUFFIN TOP SO THERE. I am not perfect. I am not going to wear the mask anymore. If I want to cry, then I will cry. If I say something wrong, I will apologize. But I will not let anyone else define who I am. I have taken off the mask and have seen what lies below. It was ugly. It was my inner self that needed the jump start to be real. I stared into the face of the beast and the beast began to shrink before my eyes. I began to like myself again. I began to take a stand for myself and to be the person who I was really meant to be. I was free to be me.

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It is still a work in progress, a reinvention intention so to speak and it will last the rest of my life. I learn something new every day about life and myself and if I find something that I don’t like, I don’t try to hide it, I take steps to change it. You may or may not know who you are because you just never wanted to know, but if you want to know just take off the mask. You may be a mother, a sister, a wife or a friend but that is not who YOU really are. Your mask may be food, alcohol, drugs, or anything else that serves to hide your true self. I have many masks and they are all slipping away. I am afraid of what I may find but it is only because I know it is going to change the ME I’ve come to know.
I used to drink every night. I became someone who was not me. I made excuses and hid away under the alcohol relaxed happy party girl. I changed for others. I looked in the mirror and even though the little voice in my head said “Girl, you know better, you’re much smarter than this…so why”? So I stopped. I took that step and just stopped. I didn’t die. I didn’t curl up in pain and no one hated me for this change.
I had a hellish day at work and I went home and instead of reaching for my typical glass of wine or ultra light beer I went outside in the sun filled air and I walked through the woods and just breathed. I drank lots of water. I slept badly the first night and after that the next few nights I slept good. I did not have my usual vibrant dreams and that made me sad but I know they will return. I lost another two pounds and I lived. Nothing bad happened. I am becoming myself again, I have just hidden me away for so long enough and I knew something was missing. I didn’t love ME. I am learning to again and WOW, that feels so good. The silence of thoughts echo and the panic and fears are dissipating. Things are going to happen out of my control. I can only control myself and I had to let go of the anxiety, lose the negativiity that surrounded me. I let the mask slip some more and no one was laughing or judging me. The only one who had been judging me had been myself. What a freeing moment it was.

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I am finding as I change it may not sit well with others and I am ok with that because I can’t pretend to be someone other than who I am. I will deal the best I can with the repercussions. None of us can sustain the mask and be happy. You just can’t have the mask and the self. It is one or the other. Hide or be real. So if you get anything from this story on my daily journey to self, please feel free to share, let the mask slip a little because you are going to find the only way we are going to get through each day and climb our way out of the darkness is with a little help from our friends. They have their masks too. Together we can be naked faced (to actually just be ourselves). It has to start somewhere. Baby steps are still steps taken. I stand here naked before you and I am ok even with my Muffin top hanging out because I may as well show it off….it won’t be there much longer and I wish I could say I will miss it, but I will only miss the message it served, to inspire me to believe in myself and take the steps to change, to go back in time and be a truthful messenger of words to myself. Gotta run and get some more water….out of coffee (missed the reminder message from the hubs to pick it up yesterday-not all messages get heard says the messenger) and still bright eyed…..Be a rock star, get up on that stage and rock your fine self in all of your blemished not so perfect glory. I will be there clapping and shouting out YAY you!!!! Can I have your autograph?

Peace and love to you and see you at the naked ball ­čśÄ­čĺť

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I’ll have what she’s having….the hidden green monster

Hello beautiful and welcome to another lovely moment in your life. By now I hope your habit is settling nicely into your routine and I will add an extra Hello beautiful to your day in case you’ve forgotten.So today we are going to chat about jealousy. You know what that is, right? ┬áThat ugly and never beautiful green-eyed little beast that lies deep under the bridge of your psyche. We all remember the movie “When Harry met Sally”, right?

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The restaurant scene had me rolling on the floor in laughter (which is great for the abs and heart by the way) but when looking back at it today I get a sense for what the under lying theme was there. An older woman wanting the passionate bliss of the younger more beautiful woman. You know how that is, right? You see a young gorgeous woman maybe with perfect EVERYTHING and you think to yourself, now that is what I want. Well think about it. If that’s what you want to have, it must mean somewhere deep down inside you are finding yourself lacking. If you want it, it means you don’t have it. Jealousy. It makes you feel like crap because you’ll never be beautiful enough in your mind, or your boobs may be sagging now and you don’t feel attractive any more or you may not have the perfect life you’d always dreamed of. It tells its little tales to your mind that convince you that those tales are truth. The tales are lies. Like monsters under the bed that are going to get you, If you tell yourself they are there, you believe it because if you believe it, it must be true, right? The only tales that are true are the good ones you tell yourself. The ones┬áthat bring you up and make you happy. The ones YOU tell YOU. The positive thoughts are all that matter, let go the negative as they serve no use. Cast them away as fast as you can because they are the rocks tied to your legs that will pull you under and drown you.

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The next stone of jealousy to be cast away are relationships and your thoughts.┬áPerhaps it goes as far as a couple vibrantly┬áhappy that you see out dining or walking down a beach. You know the ones that just exude energy and passion. You look at your own life that may be hum drum and think why can’t I have that? Did you ever think that below your perception of how you see things, that maybe what you see isn’t quite real? Maybe you don’t see the bad times others have gone through, the feelings below the surface of each person before you. Maybe that happy couple is really a husband having an affair with his mistress on holiday. Not so perfect then, is it?

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Or maybe the happy masks people wear in public are hiding an abusive life at home, or it could be that they may truly be happy. Great then, but they are not you. The point here is really about you and how you feel about yourself. The next time you see something and think, “I’ll really be happy if I were that beautiful, or if I had that relationship”, ask yourself what is it about your perception that is really driving that want. Change your view on how you see yourself, challenge the inner you to tell yourself that YOU are just as beautiful and are just as happy but in a way that’s about you. Put on some clothes that make you feel amazing and go out into the world acting as if you are amazing because you are. Hold your head high and smile at the world and for once, don’t give a crap about what anyone else thinks. Care only about how you feel. You will become your thoughts. If you want to feel beautiful, know that you are. Don’t rely on someone else to validate the way you feel, because you are the only one that matters. If someone laughs because you are skipping down the road with a song belting out of your lungs because you feel alive, laugh along with them because when others see you filled with joy, they then get visited by the green-eyed monsters. They will look at you and say, “I want what she’s having” and in that moment you will win because you will feel it deep within. ┬áThis is my personal view of beautiful:

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I see a perfect body, a beautiful dress and a relaxed woman. But what I also see is someone who is not me. I don’t want to be her. She is already her own person as am I. I respect the beauty but I have no illusions that it could be me because I am spectacular the way I am, the way I was born and the way I look. I will get older, I will get more gray and I love who I am. I tell myself each day and that mind-set makes me so happy and free. Free to be me.

We are imperfect people at best on a good day but the difference between the truly happy and the rarely if never happy peeps are the thoughts that we tell ourselves as we wake each day. We can either wake up and say what another crap day it’s going to be (unless it’s about the weather and we KNOW we can’t change that) or we can wake up, stretch our recharged muscles, fling open the window shades like Julie Andrews blissfully running across the meadow and say Hello World, I am here and I am in charge of me and I’m gonna rock this day in a most amazing way. Smile in the mirror, hell, jump up and down and say YES, I am amazing and I am alive. Banish those green nasty thoughts to the bottom of the trash of ugliness and let those rainbow happy YOU ARE AMAZING thoughts shine!

 

 

Hello world! And welcome beautiful! Yes you….

First steps….one, two, three….now that we are on the move we can really begin.
Welcome beautiful!!
I know you’re thinking um, yeah right. My hair is a mess, my house is a mess, and my life is a mess. I’m cranky, the dog wet on the carpet yet again, and nothing is going right.
I am not beautiful, I am a mess and my life is a train wreck waiting to happen. No one likes me, I am miserable and tired and I’ve had enough….sound familiar?
Yeah, me too…a short time ago. A story for another day.
You know what these words are? These thoughts? These are reflections distorted through our filter that are killing us slowly. These are the things we tell ourselves and you know what? After awhile we believe it. Our thoughts define us and if those thoughts are mean, negative, and nasty then we become these in the flesh.
Let’s get naked shall we? Okay, I don’t mean literally unless you happen to be sitting in bed reading this in the buff and in that case, have at it friend. By naked means to strip away and uncover the cloak of dark and replace it with light, any light. Get up and find a mirror, I’ll wait….okay are your there? Now memorize this phrase and say it out loud, “hello beautiful”.
Stop laughing, I see you….really, say it again and look at your body and say it again a little louder. HELLO BEAUTIFUL. If someone hears and laughs, ignore them, or laugh along because it is true. The first step begins, treating your body and your self as the God or Goddess you are. Until you start to say it, you will never believe it. Go on, say it again…feeling it yet? Okay, I hope so. If I were there, I would say it with you, to you. We need to start by thinking good thoughts about us. About you, me, the people around you. Everyone. If you keep thinking negatively, you will remain in the dark little life you’re living.
Now your task is to repeat this every time you pass a mirror or a window with your reflection. They say once you do something ten times it becomes a habit. You are now tasked with this first step. Keep doing it, and you will be it! This is about you and the life you want for you. Not about a spouse, a child, or a family member. This is about you! Take the time in your life to give yourself a bit of love. As they said there is no happy we without a happy me. Do not care about the we yet, that will come later, so for now this about you and only you.
Great job beautiful, you did perfectly,so now keep it up.
Step one done, check….see, we’re getting somewhere….baby steps….
Congratulations and have I told you yet how beautiful you are? image