Tag Archives: friends

Missing in action

The white dirty wires wiggled back and forth. The pressure gage remained low, wiggle the wires back and forth again….is there something wrong with the connection? Running fingers and grasping to push forward, connecting the metal screws as volts of energy run through the fingers round the body before the fingers could be pulled back. A scream of terror, of pain courses through as the dog runs frantically up the stairs to hide on the couch. Sitting there as breath moves quickly in and out, fingers red with a throbbing beat that matches the heartbeat. I’m not ready to die was all I could say. 

Electrocution was not on my agenda on Saturday but it all turned out ok. Lessons learned the hard way. I was not patient. I was in a hurry. I was not being present in the moment. I was still dwelling on conversations from the last few weeks with people that were replaying back in my mind like a broken record on 78 speed. The water pressure low because I had forgotten I had laundry going and it had nothing to do with the pump but I had to win the fight, had to get shit done…..had a house showing and felt the pressure building. I guess the jolt brought me back down to earth rather quickly. I walked out into the sun after cuddling the fearful shaking dog and just stood there. Wow….not fun but it was my call to stop and just let it go.

Appreciate the things that are going right, the earth is gonna move with or without me so I may as well stick around and enjoy the ride. This summer is flying by but maybe I can make it slow down, notice the trees as the leaves change color. Appreciate the people I have in my life even more while I have them. Appreciate myself too enough to slow the hell down and pay attention. I’ve been so tired lately and I think a lot of it is just the involvement in everything around me, but not ME. I am listening more to those around me and a lot of the time finding out that people can be mean. That while locked into their own insecurities it enables them to speak out against others faults. I know as I’ve been guilty too in the mean girl mentality, not oftenand rarely but once is enough, right? I hear words and I just want to float away and not be a party to it. But how do you handle someone who is being the mean party in a conversation? I changed the topic and it went away but it made me think of how many times I’ve talked to people and perhaps said something that could be construed as mean? Would I have wanted to know? Maybe I didn’t mean it the way it sounded? Communication can be a tricky thing and I am still learning everyday but in the meantime turning into bubble girl slipping away on the wind to avoid the talk that is needed. If I am going to slow down and enjoy this lovely life, I too must slow down my words and make sure I mean what I say and not say it mean. I want to be that person who will be remembered in a good light. So if we are talking and I’m not saying much, it is because I want to savor what I am hearing and interpret it correctly and not just assume you are being a jackass….just kidding, needed a light hearted moment there. Does it make sense? I often wonder myself as there is so much good in this world and I want to surround myself with goodness and truth and honest feelings, I need to walk away from the people bashing, the comments said light heartedly but That still ring in the ears with the ambulance shrill siren of truth. I hate walking away from a conversation and berating myself for not speaking up, even though the conversation was about someone I didn’t know….by not speaking up, did I just perpetuate the behavior? Let me know what you think I should have done.

So back to the of the  topic at hand, I want to savor each word because you never know when it will be the last, I want to really feel your thoughts, I want to hold hands with those I’m missing and love with each passing day. I want to wake up smiling because it is going to be a beautiful day, rain, snow or glorious sunshine. I want to slow down and take it all in as if today is my last day. I want to know I am thought of in a good way. I want to know I am loved. I am human. I am not perfect but I will keep trying at least to be a better me. If I can’t stay a part of your conversation that sits on my chest like a bolt of electricity, I apologize for the far away look in my eyes as I dream I turn into a shining bubble and float up a little higher than I am now. Someday I may speak out but not right at this second because really, I have too much good happy living to do and can’t be slowed down by the chain of negativity they are trying to tie me up in. 

I apologize for the rant my beautiful friends and if I said anything shocking. I am just tired of the petty meanness of gossip and backstabbing that seems to be taking over around me some days. Mean people suck is my favorite sticker I’ve ever seen and it holds so much truth. I don’t want to play a part of unfolding drama, I just want to live a happy peace life filled with joyous happy people. No downer Debbie’s or nasty Nellies need to apply, no vacancy. Sorry. Life is just too short, truly shocking I know….truly.
note….this is not for any specific person, just a culmination of many events in the last few weeks that have been draining my energy and happy life blood. I need to regain me and maybe by writing this out it is my read for reminding myself to step away from the dark and run like hell back to the light….and to quit playing with wires while distracted too.⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ thanks for letting me carry on. Zip (not to ever be confused with Zap) peace and blessings beautiful ones. K

Office snacks?…why didn’t I get the memo? (blessings in disguises of dip)

Good afternoon fantabulous, amazing and beautiful people. Happy Cinco De Mayo if you happen to celebrate and if not, Happy Tuesday regardless. Today we are exploring the world of office grazing. What is office grazing you ask? Do you work with farm animals you might wonder? Well, bad for you and no I suppose would be the proper response. Where I work we don’t need an occasion to graze. To snack. To eat endless buffets of dip and cookies and donuts….oh my and the list goes on. Well I wandered up to the office, as is part of what I do to get exercise each day and to gather supplies needed (paper, water, chit chat) you know, office stuff. So I walk in the door and what to my wondering eyes do appear yet another feast. Now the reason I bring this up is that some amazing changes seem to be happening to me lately. I’ve been sleeping like the dead yet waking alive and refreshed, losing a few pounds just by better food choices (which is due to my brain being a complete pain in the ass) and just feeling happier in general. That’s a great thing. I managed to lose 3 pounds in a week in a half and KEPT it OFF. That for me is a difficult thing to do I am finding as I get older. But something changed. Oh yeah, I didn’t get the memo. I didn’t know about the food. But bread dip and chunks of fresh soft bread turned my eyes into huge orbs and I swear I could feel the drool accumulating at the edge of my pie hole. It looked like this….yum huh? image So here I walk into the office and there is this big pool of creamy bready dill yumminess and I thought, oh my god, that needs me to try it. Yes, I think I hear it calling me (and it said “come here gorgeous and try some of my creamy goodness”) and I said Yes, I think I shall. I took the smallest piece of bread and dipped it in. It was so very good. Yes, yes it was. It was amazing. Then the brain (that evil empire) piped in like the little squirrel it can be…what’s in there? Look, pretty colors I see through the white plastic, let’s open it and take a look-see. So I did, and do you know what I found? Reeses Peanut butter cup cookies with ice cream sprinkle thingies on it. image (can you believe no photos on line of cookies with peanut butter cups AND sprinkles?) OMG….What is going on here? So I did what any self aware goddess did, I slammed the lid back down and didn’t touch any of it. Really, I did not….and then next in line was more shiny cheesy sauce stuff with chips. Queso I’m guessing and every variety of chip imaginable….so I smiled…..breathed in and breathed out, image and walked away with nothing except that one bit of bread and dip. Me. Do you understand? The queen of I love to graze….walked away like bessy after a milking….without the milk of course….What is going on? I am literally talking to myself at this point. Somedays I scare myself by doing this but if I answer correctly, I don’t get too scared. So I am saying WHY? little mind, it all looked so good, you know you wanted some of this….and some of that….why did we have to walk away? And you know what that miserable bastard of a brain said to me? You wanted it….but you didn’t NEED it. Humph….ok, so now I sound like my mother….But you know what? I walked back to my desk, consumed my second bottle of water in two hours and smiled to myself. You’re right brain. I feel better for not having that lovely carb crash before lunch. I feel better for not adding the pounds on I was so proud to have gotten off. I’m sure somewhere my dentist is thanking me and he is welcome. I didn’t get the memo….the universe didn’t want me to get the memo. The world was helping me by remaining unaware. I know I will walk up there in a few hours to see the remains of coagulated cheese goop on the counter, chippy crumbs and errant sprinkles left behind and I am ok with that. I’m not on the cleanup crew and I can celebrate in my own way, by sharing my adventures with you and showing you that baby steps can lead to happier you. (I almost wrote you’s and that would be so very wrong). Yes, baby steps. If you want something, go for it but if your brain knows you as well as you know you, listen to the little beastie within and walk away. Moderation in everything, except of course happy uplifting thoughts and visions of your awesomeness. As my friend today posted a meme about happiness, it’s free and to sprinkle that shit everywhere. yeah, do that….just not on my cookies that I left in my wake of amazingness….and I’m not looking back ’cause there’s better things coming my way. Like water, and more water….and maybe a little coffee later as my fuel runs low. Gotta run my lovelies…celebrating tonight. Maybe a Corona LIght….just because I can. And I won’t forget the lime…after all, no one needs rickets in their life. Peace and blessings, Kim

Notes from the cardboard….or how to be a happy box

Welcome to another day in paradise my beautiful friends. The sun is shining, you are amazing and this universe is awesome.
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What? You’re feeling a wee bit down? The sad box friend has come to visit you and he won’t politely leave even though you no longer are enjoying his company? You’ve told him to pack up his crap and go but he refuses to budge? Hmmm…well we shall have to come up with a strategy to evict that little bit of cardboard then won’t we? He is a fun little creature to visit with…at first…but then he starts to, well, you know. Brings you down when you want to feel up. You sit and listen to his song play over and over….
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You’re not good enough. Nobody likes you. You’re ugly. You will never succeed. Sound familiar? Is that what that little bastard said? Why I oughta….well, no wait…you oughta….let’s see.
First things first…don’t play along. He only wants to move his crap in and take over. He isn’t fun. He needs to be packed up and to hit the road…alone. You stay where you are, thinking those awesome happy thoughts and he will be so bored without you coddling him he may just go.
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If you don’t play with him, he will have no one to talk to or play with. He wants to see you lose. He wants you to be as sad as he is. Don’t do it….take your ball and go home. Leave him on the field of thoughts and turn and walk away.
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When the sad box comes to visit the days get darker. The mood grows quite blah. You start believing his nasty little words. If you really want to feel better and lose the box of glum, treat yourself like the amazing person you are. Don’t turn that frown upside down, turn that sucker into a bright happy clown smile. All teeth, big happy lips…shine those pearly whites into that magic mirror and say “I am not a sad box. I am a glistening present with bright-colored wrapping and a big assed bow”. You are not a plain box. You are the greatest gift. Get dressed and go out and find some fun. Treat yourself to some goodies…whatever makes you smile…and something that tastes good can’t hurt, right?
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I know he gets comfortable to keep around but he is not your friend. He will sit by you and tell you to be like him. Be a sad box. Keep me company. I will be lonely if you don’t stay. Let’s sit together and be pals.
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Don’t do it. Turn on some music. Dance like no ones watching (although we know the sad box will) but the sad box doesn’t know how to dance. The sad box doesn’t know how to feel joy. The sad box sees the world through little holes. You are the smart box. You open your eyes and know what you need to do. You are the wise happy box that will rise above. The wise box that will open yourself up and escape those confines. The wise box with wise friends who help to lift you on your journey. Not the sad mean box who leaves you behind in a puddle forgotten.
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You don’t want to stay tucked away in the corner catching dust. As you watch your color fade and realize you’ve become an old tired box. Why? Because you’ve listened too long to the sad box tell you how to be. No more of that, boxy lady (sorry…just got lost in a bit of Hendrix for a moment)
Put on your surround drown the sound ear thingy and close that sad box out. Sing along to your favorite tune while wearing your favorite outfit.
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You are the happy box. Kind of like the happy meal but much better. You are the fun prize in the happy meal box. You need to open up the box that is you and find that good inside. Dig below the garbage that the sad box has thrown in and find that happy place. Get out there in the world and stop to smell the flowers.
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Just do something. Anything. Don’t stay in the dark with the sadness. Cut him down to size and put him out with the trash. Make sure to recycle him so that someday he can return as a ️happy box. Maybe he will find new use as a greeting card of joy, or a cereal box for coco puffs, the point is he will no longer be there to bring you down. He overstayed his welcome and it was long overdue for him to go bye-bye. Today, this very minute is something that will never come again. You can hang around with the sad boxes of this world or you can live your life your own way. You can travel. You can write. You can make snow angels.
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The world is your warehouse. Give yourself the gift of happy and while you’re at it, send some of that goodness to others. After all, it may not be our birthday but who needs a special occasion. We all like when that box shows up on our doorstep (especially if delivered by a hot uniformed guy/or gal). ooh, a present for me? Cool. I deserve presents. I am wonderful. I feel amazing, and I’m coming to a doorstep near you next. Say goodbye sad box, hello new happy box filled with awesomeness.
Come on in and stay awhile. I’ll make us a nice Mojito to enjoy while we catch up on all the great things you’ve been doing.

You’ve got a friend…(or how to be a Rock Star Super Friend)

Hello again most beautiful ones. Happy Monday too and if you feel so inclined, jump up and down and celebrate the day.
Today we talk about the greatest gifts in life. I could surprise you but after reading the heading I guess I’ve blown that. That’s ok, we’re all friends here, right?
So where to begin on the subject of friends?
I don’t know about you but when I was young my view of a true friend was a relationship somewhat on the level of Snoopy and Woodstock. Best pals, argued occasionally and for the most part did their own thing but enjoyed their time together. I grew up in a small town and really only had one friend up until she moved away. There was no one else close so for the longest time my only friends were found in nature after that. Once we moved to a bigger town I had to readjust to making NEW friends. Now talk about scary. I was shy. I was ugly. No one was going to want to be my friend. So with that as my thinking, guess what I found? Yep, very few friends. I had no faith in who I was. I didn’t feel worthy. Once the teen years hit it became even harder. I gravitated toward any group that would accept me. I set my bar lower and was doing things I wasn’t proud of just to be accepted. Does this sound familiar to you? I still had no faith in ME. The friends I had were not the kinds I needed and so I kept searching. I carried an autograph book around and asked EVERYBODY to sign it. After all, if you gave me your signature it must mean you like me, right? Anything I could get to show the world “LOOK” I’ve got a book of names of my friends. And let me tell you, it was very lonely. Not invited to parties yet within proximity where I could look out my window and see the others having a good time. WOW, talk about depressing. I dove into books. I dove into writing about my “Gasp” feelings, and in doing so found out a little about myself. It took me a few years later and actually changing my thoughts about myself to finally find the right kinds of friends. Friends who loved me for me. Friends who wanted to spend time with me. Friends that made me laugh, as I made them laugh, and most importantly, friends that I could cry with and not feel ashamed. Now that was some heady stuff let me tell you. To open the waterworks and have faith in myself that I am a great person and that I am smart and that I am beautiful. I wore clothes that made me feel beautiful because I was with people who accepted me, cottage cheese thighs or otherwise. I embraced my inner self and this whole world opened up. People were telling me their stories and you know what? They were all like me. I had finally found my Woodstock, my besties, my tribe, my true friends. I believed in myself enough to go through all of the B.S of those “so-called” friends and I could finally soar. I could have it all and be in bliss. Well guess what friends, yes I said it, FRIENDS. You are here reading this (I hope) and taking the journey with me. If you turned away by now that’s ok, I don’t take things personally anymore. As my husband says “there’s an ass for every seat” so I always go with that attitude. Maybe not for everyone but that’s ok.
So, how do you find those friends you’ve been seeking? How do you find those souls who are just like you? Who understand because they’ve walked their journey looking too…how you ask?
You listen. You stop what you are doing and look around you. You will see people around you who others naturally gravitate to. Generally these people are happy and smiling and ENGAGED with the world around them. If you introduce yourself and look into their eyes and with a genuine hello, embrace the moment as if they are already your BFF. You may be surprised that they will engage with you on a new level. It could be a coworker. It could be a person at a neighborhood cookout, but most importantly, you have to have faith in yourself. You have to hold their gaze and not look around. If you can’t look someone in the eye, then you are not present in the moment. You are not exchanging soul. Do you have people you talk to that tend to look away as if they’d rather be elsewhere? Maybe their thoughts are drifting and they’re not really listening…then WHY on this green earth would you waste your precious time on them? Yes, your PRECIOUS time. Spend it on someone who counts. Spend it on someone who wants to be there for you and if there is no one there at any particular time, SPEND it on YOURSELF. You are so worth it. You can be the rock star with a million friends, but the ones that count are the ones who do it with eye contact, with whole-hearted love and understanding and who are engaged with what you have to say. This is Snoopy and Woodstock, an unlikely pair but one that works well with each other but not suffocating each other and they make the world smile with them at the same time. Who is your Woodstock? Who is your Snoopy? When you stop to look around at those in your life, who are those that matter? Let them know. Give them a huge hug or send a letter “just because”. Those are the little things that matter. Oh, and if they hug back just a little harder, thank them and give it right back.
I am not a child anymore. I have acquaintances and I have friends and then I have my Super Rock Star friend BFF’s that are there for me as I am there for them. There’s room for more, I always save space (because the world is a big place) so come on in friend, sit down and we can talk. I can send you a virtual hug and I will listen. You’ve got a friend and we are both worth the time and effort that will go into being fabulous and we will be Rock Stars together….now, let’s get out there and shine like the super stars we are and get this tribe rocking the vibe of Friendship like none other before.
Tell me your thoughts on how you make friends. Do you tend to keep the ones you have just to have somebody? If they serve no purpose except to be able to say you “have one” or do you let them go if you find yourself being used for their purpose and it is not fulfilling yours too? Let me know if you’d like. Learning is a beautiful thing and we can always get by with a little help from our friends.
Peace and blessings.
Kim