Tag Archives: humor

Triggers of tears-(and not the equine variety)

Hello most amazing people and welcome to Tuesday. I’ve been stumped lately on a variety of things and I am really not quite sure why. I saw an article about the closing of the Roy Rogers museum and it made me wonder what is to become of Trigger. Now I realize for a lot of you Roy was before your time but I had grandparents who made me sit and watch the movies and shows with them and that is where I fell in love with palominos. I wanted one so bad. Later I was told poor trigger was stuffed and put in the museum and all I could think of was WTF? Who would do such a thing? And now with the closing, where is he going? It made me teary eyed at the thought of relics from the past being absently chucked or forgotten. Nothing lasts forever and this I know well. But why get tears eyed over a stuffed horse that probably has its fur molting off in chunks? Maybe it was the moon? I just finished a lovely lunch in the cafeteria. I was perusing my reader and a woman won a car on the price is right(the lunch show of choice for the masses). She was just so excited jumping up and down and I’ll be damned if I didn’t feel the tears welling up.

Geesh…..enough already. I am not one to cry easily and here I get the waterworks swimming in my eyes over perfect strangers. But maybe it’s the energy of things. When people feel emotion it gets carried through in the form of action. Anger, fear, happiness….most of the time you can tell from body language. Obviously if I won a million I’d be jumping up and down crying and you would say, “now that is one happy chickie”, or memories that brought joy (old Cowboys and horses) and their fall from favor due to technology and times that seem no longer relevant. Reading words, seeing body language, hearing tones of voice…..I guess it’s all about the same…energy moving, cause and effect. Sadness emits tears, as does anger and happiness. It is all a part of the whole. So why am I writing about this? Because I felt foolish. Because I sat there holding back my tears for fear of looking like a goofy dolt eating watermelon and sopping up the tears. I mean really, would anyone really truly give a crap?

 But I was afraid. I didn’t want to be laughed at. I didn’t want to be seen in an unhealthy light At work and that is where the problem is. Why? By suppressing The feelings we have, we kill ourselves, albeit slowly but those little things denied leave us defeated and feeling like dried up broken shells. We block the natural flow of things. By trying to fit in, we become like the little lemmings jumping off the cliff. We are paper cutouts of dolls. Oh we may look different but we are the same. Maybe the girl at the table next to me felt the same way, hiding tears of joy for a stranger winning a car. Maybe not. But I walked away feeling slightly fake, like I played my part like everyone else and shelved the feelings. I am not okay with that. I always admire people who can let it all hang out and be themselves. I love the people in airports who pick up a loved one and have tears in their eyes at the reunion. It brings tears to my eyes and that energy becomes the joyful thoughts that slip into the universe and keep us all human and connected. Why are we so afraid to be REAL? To let ourselves SHINE? To cry over silly things and even the important things, because after all, isn’t it all kind of important? By saying something in life isn’t important it’s like denying it. I cry. We all cry. I’m sorry my pal Trigger….I hope they find you a nice pasture to bury you in and to the lady who won today, you go girl…I’m crying with you proudly, just because….damn that feels good😀💦

Does anyone have a Kleenex or three? Damn…sold to the highest bidder. Bye Trigger. Sigh

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Happy and Joy, two of your besties…..(and how to exorcise Misery and company)

Hello beautiful ones. I hope your day is shining like a summer sun and that whatever you are doing at this very moment is bringing you peace and joy. You may be working, or sleeping for that matter….then again maybe both at the same time.
Today I am going to write a letter to my besties. They are Happy and Joy. I do have other besties but today I am just choosing two to write to. Have you ever sat down and written a letter to something that wasn’t a someone? I know, sounds kinda crazy but the best way to APPRECIATE the good in your life is to relish in it. Treat it like it is the God or Goddess of your very life. It makes it more real, puts it out there like a big neon billboard and changes your mind set at the same time. So here is my letter, written with love and cheer.
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Dear Happy and Joy,
I know it’s been a bit since I’ve written and for that I am sorry. I know there is no excuse for not keeping in touch but I’ve had some other friends staying with me and it was quite the chore to finally evict them. They sucked so much energy and left me feeling like I only wanted to sleep. You know me, that is so unlike me but I didn’t invite them and sometimes they just show up unannounced and make their way in and then don’t leave. They left behind so much damaage too. I heard your message in my mind the other day but couldn’t answer. I didn’t want them to bring you down too. I remember awhile back when you told me how I can change things just by being positive. I don’t know how I had forgotten that lesson as it was so very important. But after a short visit with Misery (she brought her friends, Melancholy, Anger and Angst too) I woke one beautiful shining day and remembered. I had had enough. No more. They pleaded and cajoled me in their way but I stood firm. Hand on my hip and attitude of shining bliss I looked them square on and said ENOUGH! You are not my friends. You are not welcome. Now get the F^CK out. (yep, I really said it) but I know it’s not one of your favorite words so I won’t write it out here. Anyway, they looked at each other incredulously and I swear to god, it was like something out of the exorcist. Their heads spun around, they spewed the heinous vile bile across the room and with a poof of smoke, they were gone. Man did it feel good. To stand up to their gossipy, negative, mood ruining selves was awesome. I felt like Wonder Woman (Without the protruding cups mind you-save that for Linda Carter) and I laughed. It had been so long but I thought of you two and just let it go, that big hee hawing boisterous laughter. I think I scared the dog a bit but then she joined in with wagging tail. It felt so good to set that shit free. I wasn’t meant to be hanging with that nasty crowd. I was born for sun and light and happy/joy times. Thank you. Thank you. I am so glad you are in my life, even when you can’t be here at any given moment, I know you have my back and are lurking with a happy joyful smirk somewhere close by. I think you need to visit more often. Heck, I’ll even clean out a whole room just for you. You can be as happy and joyous as you want….just don’t wake the neighbors (they may not understand). Well, I will let you go for now but again, thanks so much.
Love,
your peep in bliss.
(This is me in bliss by the way….)
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That’s all. Write a letter to address what you DO want in your life. Take a good long look at what you have around you. Ask yourselves these questions.
1. Does he/she/it make me happy?
2. Am I alone in this or am I only there as support to their/its/my own negativity?
3. Can I live without them/this?
4. Does this make me a better person by being around them/it?
5. What can I do today to become besties with Happy and Joy?
6. Am I hanging with this negativity because I’ve done it so long it’s just comfortable/it’s all I know? (Like a pair of old comfy slippers that are ready for the trash…it is OK to let it go-throw ’em out)
7. What WOULD make me happy? (and yes, again….do that shit)
8. Would trying REALLY kill me….or God forbid, actually work, maybe, yes???
9. Ok, I just like the number 9. Nothing here, move along folks….

Write it down and really, really look closely at it. There is nothing in this life that you need to put up with if it brings you down, whether it is a friend, a family member, your own attitude, a coworker, or a crutch you use to TRY to make yourself feel better (we know this rarely works ultimately). I have heard it say look for the GOOD in those that drive you crazy. It does work to a certain point but sometimes the best medicine of happiness is to just avoid being around them/it, don’t get involved with someone elses baggage of misery and always remember, you too are Wonder Woman/Super Man and this life is just too damn short to deal with the negativity. If you don’t support it, it will have no purpose in hanging around you either. Evict that nastiness. Save yourself and gather close your Happy and Joy and Bliss moments and cherish them. Raise them up and wear them as the shield that will protect you. They are teflon and will fly you to a better place. A Happy place.
I will see you there, and if you arrive before me, save me a seat on the magic van and we can adventure on together into this amazing world, sharing smiles and laughter to the needy and such.
I have to stop and use the restrooom, don’t worry, I’ll catch up. Beep Beep….Road Trip to Happy….Be there….
Peace and blessings.
Kim

Office snacks?…why didn’t I get the memo? (blessings in disguises of dip)

Good afternoon fantabulous, amazing and beautiful people. Happy Cinco De Mayo if you happen to celebrate and if not, Happy Tuesday regardless. Today we are exploring the world of office grazing. What is office grazing you ask? Do you work with farm animals you might wonder? Well, bad for you and no I suppose would be the proper response. Where I work we don’t need an occasion to graze. To snack. To eat endless buffets of dip and cookies and donuts….oh my and the list goes on. Well I wandered up to the office, as is part of what I do to get exercise each day and to gather supplies needed (paper, water, chit chat) you know, office stuff. So I walk in the door and what to my wondering eyes do appear yet another feast. Now the reason I bring this up is that some amazing changes seem to be happening to me lately. I’ve been sleeping like the dead yet waking alive and refreshed, losing a few pounds just by better food choices (which is due to my brain being a complete pain in the ass) and just feeling happier in general. That’s a great thing. I managed to lose 3 pounds in a week in a half and KEPT it OFF. That for me is a difficult thing to do I am finding as I get older. But something changed. Oh yeah, I didn’t get the memo. I didn’t know about the food. But bread dip and chunks of fresh soft bread turned my eyes into huge orbs and I swear I could feel the drool accumulating at the edge of my pie hole. It looked like this….yum huh? image So here I walk into the office and there is this big pool of creamy bready dill yumminess and I thought, oh my god, that needs me to try it. Yes, I think I hear it calling me (and it said “come here gorgeous and try some of my creamy goodness”) and I said Yes, I think I shall. I took the smallest piece of bread and dipped it in. It was so very good. Yes, yes it was. It was amazing. Then the brain (that evil empire) piped in like the little squirrel it can be…what’s in there? Look, pretty colors I see through the white plastic, let’s open it and take a look-see. So I did, and do you know what I found? Reeses Peanut butter cup cookies with ice cream sprinkle thingies on it. image (can you believe no photos on line of cookies with peanut butter cups AND sprinkles?) OMG….What is going on here? So I did what any self aware goddess did, I slammed the lid back down and didn’t touch any of it. Really, I did not….and then next in line was more shiny cheesy sauce stuff with chips. Queso I’m guessing and every variety of chip imaginable….so I smiled…..breathed in and breathed out, image and walked away with nothing except that one bit of bread and dip. Me. Do you understand? The queen of I love to graze….walked away like bessy after a milking….without the milk of course….What is going on? I am literally talking to myself at this point. Somedays I scare myself by doing this but if I answer correctly, I don’t get too scared. So I am saying WHY? little mind, it all looked so good, you know you wanted some of this….and some of that….why did we have to walk away? And you know what that miserable bastard of a brain said to me? You wanted it….but you didn’t NEED it. Humph….ok, so now I sound like my mother….But you know what? I walked back to my desk, consumed my second bottle of water in two hours and smiled to myself. You’re right brain. I feel better for not having that lovely carb crash before lunch. I feel better for not adding the pounds on I was so proud to have gotten off. I’m sure somewhere my dentist is thanking me and he is welcome. I didn’t get the memo….the universe didn’t want me to get the memo. The world was helping me by remaining unaware. I know I will walk up there in a few hours to see the remains of coagulated cheese goop on the counter, chippy crumbs and errant sprinkles left behind and I am ok with that. I’m not on the cleanup crew and I can celebrate in my own way, by sharing my adventures with you and showing you that baby steps can lead to happier you. (I almost wrote you’s and that would be so very wrong). Yes, baby steps. If you want something, go for it but if your brain knows you as well as you know you, listen to the little beastie within and walk away. Moderation in everything, except of course happy uplifting thoughts and visions of your awesomeness. As my friend today posted a meme about happiness, it’s free and to sprinkle that shit everywhere. yeah, do that….just not on my cookies that I left in my wake of amazingness….and I’m not looking back ’cause there’s better things coming my way. Like water, and more water….and maybe a little coffee later as my fuel runs low. Gotta run my lovelies…celebrating tonight. Maybe a Corona LIght….just because I can. And I won’t forget the lime…after all, no one needs rickets in their life. Peace and blessings, Kim

Well, this just sucks…..(of course it does dear, that’s its job)

Hello and howdy and Happy May my favorite peeps. Hope things are going well for you in Awesomeville. Finally spring is showing its beautiful face to the world with full moons (the sky variety), pretty posies growing in the dirt amongst the dog poop left over from winter, and most days the sun is shining when I get out of my day job (which is where I am as I write this). But even though spring is so very awesome, we know that with it comes chores. Better known in my world as house cleaning. I love house cleaning. I love it so much I am an expert at procrastinating my way out of doing it. But alas, sooner or later things crop up and bring me down to reality.
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yep, time to get off the machine and get to work…I know, the tumbleweeds aren’t going to suck themselves off the carpet or from under wherever so I grab that “beloved vacuum” and away I go. But alas, it is too uptight. It won’t recline without a firm foot up its, I mean on it’s top so that the handle can come back for ease of duty. As you vacuum it slowly starts to rise and it looks almost as if you have really sweaty armpits that you are attempting to air out. This is not the case, and I do not….not that I’ll ever admit it, but no, I don’t. So this piece of Oreck machinery has been difficult now for a few weeks. Hubs keeps bugging me to drop it off to get it fixed but last time the cord got sucked up and the electrical tape became abundant in too many places, I took it in to the tune of 41$. Did I also tell you that hubby vacuums too? (Why do you think the electrical tape was needed in the first place, hmmmm???).
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So he throws it in the back of my vehicle and I take the little machine in for a tune up/fix it or else repair. Did I ever tell you I name things? Well it is a quirk of mine and as I walked Petunia pickerupper into the Oreck disciples I proceeded to set her down ever so gently and explain that she can’t relax and will not recline back any more….And she reclined then and there so nicely (Beyotch)….so I put her upright again, and then layed her down…and she did. I looked at the tech who at that point was looking at me like I was completely insane. He explained that maybe there was a penny in there that must have fallen out….happens all the time he says….except I do not vacuum change or anything larger that a clipped toenail up. I smile sweetly and picked up Petunia for the treck back home. Well, the hubby was so excited that it was fixed so quickly, I then explain what had happened. Apparently when he threw it in my vehicle, it must have dislodged whatever was hanging up in the little ball socket for said machine. I go to recline the fair lady and…nothing…..gummed up again. He looks at me as if I am really crazy. I try to explain how she was working beautifully while there, and now this….Grrrr….He takes her so gently in his hands and tries. She grudgingly goes about half way (most likely similar to his prom date) and gives me that “well, it is a little better, but not much” lecture.
Fine, you take her in then.
I think it’s like a kid that pleads being sick till you get them to the doctor or the cat I thought was dying that I rushed to the overnight pay through the nose vet only to have her look all so cute and innocent and might I add, lived for another year after that expensive little trip as I carted her home after being deemed “just fine”.
Needless to say, Petunia is still in the closet. She sucks just fine, and sometimes she will even lay back and let you have your way on the carpet with her. Personally, I find these pricy vacuums to be a pain in the you know what, but my birthday will be coming up soon and maybe I can put in to the wish list this:
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Now wouldn’t that be a hoot….and I’d be so stylish, dontcha know?
So I guess what I can take away from this is that vacuums suck, sometimes they can give you a laugh (as my now deceased coworker showed me pictures, Roomba’s are not good if the dog has accidents, it does not clean out easily and poo on the linoleum or the carpet is not art, it’s just smeared poop), and husbands who have issues with the equipment they insisted on buying can be the ones to return it for fixing and let them look like the insane ones.
I tried, I did not fail, she was being stubborn and now she can sit in the closet and ponder her punishment. I’ll go find the old one that still works, so take that missy!
We are doing our best but will never admit to being true experts.
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Oh yes, and may the fourth (May the force) be with you today. Trust me, it took me hours to understand why all the star wars references today….just thought I’d let you in on the secret everyone knew but me….silly girl…yep, and sometimes a bit thick that way in the head but I’m ok with that.

My life is like a box of chocolates….but why are they all filled with marshmallow?

Hey beautiful people,

Are you feeling awesome today? Like crap today? Come on, you can tell me…just leave it in the comments box and I promise I won’t tell a soul. I’m good that way. How many of you don’t live in a cave and saw the movie Forest Gump? Wow, that many? How many times did you watch it? I saw it at least five times and even own a copy. One of my favorites. Do you know why? Because it is truth in life told through the eyes in the most simplest of ways. I can totally relate to the now famous line about life being like a box of chocolates. Yep, it is true, you never know what you’re going to get. Maybe something super yummy inside, or perhaps empty but still a nice creamy or dark morsel that just melts in your mouth (and maybe even pairs nicely with a nice bottle of red too I must say).

When I wake each morning I grab my thoughts like that box of chocolate and play the what am I gonna get today game? I lay there in my dreamy bliss of thoughts and tell myself that today is totally going to rock. Really, it is. I’m going to get up, get motivated, get dressed and peruse the web while I drink my coffee and maybe or maybe I won’t turn on the news (as lately no news is certainly good news). Kind of the putting my hands over my ears and going la la la I am not listening. If I do turn it on it is mostly for the weather because anything else happening I would see in my web surfing and we know how true all of that information is, right?

So here I have my box of chocolate thoughts, I reach in and grab what I think may have nuts in it. I looooove nuts…I carry my piece of chocolate into the day and bite into it….blah, marshmallow. I hate marshmallow in chocolate (unless it comes with a campfire and a flaming marshmallow with graham crackers and then I can only manage one or two). Why marshmallow? Is that all there is in this damn box?

There has got to be something more. Now if I were a kid I would eat them all to find just what I was looking for and then when the stomach ache hit, would use the box as a fort and crawl into it to vomit, but I am not a kid any longer so I can’t. But, with a thought of wonder, I can pretend that there is something in there that I want. Maybe it is Belgian chocolate filled with dainty hazelnuts. Maybe it is creamy swiss milk chocolate. Maybe its a truffle (and not the ones dug up by the piggies). Mmmmm…..I close my eyes and just taste the explosion of wonder in my mouth. WOW. Now that is more than I expected….that is just a “I could die right now and be happy” kind of moment. .

Now I know you’re thinking to yourself, what the hell is she thinking? What does this have to do with life? Does she really love chocolate that much that she thinks her views should be shared? Well, yeah, I do like chocolate (in moderation) and Yes, I need to tell you this. Life IS the box of chocolates. You NEVER know what you’re going to get. But you can use your mind to get what you want. If you want to wake up happy and have a pleasant day, well you reach your little mitts right into that big old box and grab that piece of happy chocolate. If you are cranky and don’t care who knows about your mood and you want to unleash havoc so that everyone else around you can share in your misery, well there is a chocolate for that too. But it is your choice. I may start out alot of mornings with the marshmallow filled nasties but you know what, that’s ok. It is my box of chocolate. It is my choice. And then I take a bite out of that nasty marshmallow ick and put it back in the box, that way no one else will want that one. I spit out my piece with lady like dignity and throw it away and say NO. This will not do. If I can’t find the right chocolate there is always something else to choose. Maybe it is cheese, or cake, or wine….heck, it can be whatever floats your boat, as long as you are making the attempt to pick the right piece (the right thought). The piece that makes you smile. That piece that makes you feel so warm and fuzzy inside. The one you want to share with the world because it is THAT good. Yeah, reach in and find that piece. Look it over. Notice how perfect and glossy it is. Taste it, and can you feel that warm “coat your tongue with words that flow like a masterpiece” feeling? Now share it with someone. Smile at the world at your bounty of amazing confections. Caring is sharing.

Now if you are really set on just a sub-par kind of piece, well that is ok too. Maybe you bite in and find a too sugary gooey cherry. It will be like Goldi-locks and the three bears, one may be too big, one too small but somewhere in there you WILL find the one that is just right. And you will know it to your very core. You will want an entire box of endless supplied chocolate just like that one. But someday you may find it isn’t enough any more and you will dig deeper and you will find new flavors (thoughts). Flavors that haven’t even been invented yet (kind of like the chocolate covered bacon….i still ask why on that one) but you will keep setting your bar higher. You will strive from the cheap gold coin penny chocolate to the the top of the line foreign awesomeness and do you know why? Because you are good enough for the most expensive, tasty, “oh my God” this is like an orgasm chocolate thought.  You will want to tell the world about your find. You will want to share this amazingness with everyone you hold dear.

You will. It will happen. Because you may not always know what you’re going to get, but you can always get what you want when you make it happen. Thoughts become things my friends. Do you want cheap chocolate thoughts or do you want the masterpiece of a confectioner that is you? Start your day with your own box of chocolate thoughts. Pull one out and ask yourself, “is this how I want this day to start?” and if not, toss it away and grab another one. Keep digging even if you reach China because it is in there somewhere, that right thought that will start your day. Carry it in your mind pocket and if it starts to melt, stop by the happines store and pick up another one. After all, the supply IS endless and you will find at the end of the day you’re eager to see what you will pick tomorrow. You will know what you’re going to get after awhile because it will all be good. The yucky flavors will no longer populate that box because you bought what you wanted and more keeps showing up and it will be the awesome flavors of amazing thoughts. Heck, maybe after awhile you will wonder what all the fuss was about when that evil marshmallow one had shown up so long ago. No one invited him to the chocolate party….damn thought crasher…..I guess that’s why we so rudely closed the box on him (after we took a bite and made that I just bit into a grapefruit sour puss face). There is no room for the flavors (thoughts) you don’t want. Open the box to the good and the abundant supply will never diminish. Now isn’t that an amazing thought? A bottomless chocolate box. Hmmmm, who’da thunk?

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Notes from the cardboard….or how to be a happy box

Welcome to another day in paradise my beautiful friends. The sun is shining, you are amazing and this universe is awesome.
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What? You’re feeling a wee bit down? The sad box friend has come to visit you and he won’t politely leave even though you no longer are enjoying his company? You’ve told him to pack up his crap and go but he refuses to budge? Hmmm…well we shall have to come up with a strategy to evict that little bit of cardboard then won’t we? He is a fun little creature to visit with…at first…but then he starts to, well, you know. Brings you down when you want to feel up. You sit and listen to his song play over and over….
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You’re not good enough. Nobody likes you. You’re ugly. You will never succeed. Sound familiar? Is that what that little bastard said? Why I oughta….well, no wait…you oughta….let’s see.
First things first…don’t play along. He only wants to move his crap in and take over. He isn’t fun. He needs to be packed up and to hit the road…alone. You stay where you are, thinking those awesome happy thoughts and he will be so bored without you coddling him he may just go.
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If you don’t play with him, he will have no one to talk to or play with. He wants to see you lose. He wants you to be as sad as he is. Don’t do it….take your ball and go home. Leave him on the field of thoughts and turn and walk away.
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When the sad box comes to visit the days get darker. The mood grows quite blah. You start believing his nasty little words. If you really want to feel better and lose the box of glum, treat yourself like the amazing person you are. Don’t turn that frown upside down, turn that sucker into a bright happy clown smile. All teeth, big happy lips…shine those pearly whites into that magic mirror and say “I am not a sad box. I am a glistening present with bright-colored wrapping and a big assed bow”. You are not a plain box. You are the greatest gift. Get dressed and go out and find some fun. Treat yourself to some goodies…whatever makes you smile…and something that tastes good can’t hurt, right?
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I know he gets comfortable to keep around but he is not your friend. He will sit by you and tell you to be like him. Be a sad box. Keep me company. I will be lonely if you don’t stay. Let’s sit together and be pals.
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Don’t do it. Turn on some music. Dance like no ones watching (although we know the sad box will) but the sad box doesn’t know how to dance. The sad box doesn’t know how to feel joy. The sad box sees the world through little holes. You are the smart box. You open your eyes and know what you need to do. You are the wise happy box that will rise above. The wise box that will open yourself up and escape those confines. The wise box with wise friends who help to lift you on your journey. Not the sad mean box who leaves you behind in a puddle forgotten.
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You don’t want to stay tucked away in the corner catching dust. As you watch your color fade and realize you’ve become an old tired box. Why? Because you’ve listened too long to the sad box tell you how to be. No more of that, boxy lady (sorry…just got lost in a bit of Hendrix for a moment)
Put on your surround drown the sound ear thingy and close that sad box out. Sing along to your favorite tune while wearing your favorite outfit.
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You are the happy box. Kind of like the happy meal but much better. You are the fun prize in the happy meal box. You need to open up the box that is you and find that good inside. Dig below the garbage that the sad box has thrown in and find that happy place. Get out there in the world and stop to smell the flowers.
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Just do something. Anything. Don’t stay in the dark with the sadness. Cut him down to size and put him out with the trash. Make sure to recycle him so that someday he can return as a ️happy box. Maybe he will find new use as a greeting card of joy, or a cereal box for coco puffs, the point is he will no longer be there to bring you down. He overstayed his welcome and it was long overdue for him to go bye-bye. Today, this very minute is something that will never come again. You can hang around with the sad boxes of this world or you can live your life your own way. You can travel. You can write. You can make snow angels.
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The world is your warehouse. Give yourself the gift of happy and while you’re at it, send some of that goodness to others. After all, it may not be our birthday but who needs a special occasion. We all like when that box shows up on our doorstep (especially if delivered by a hot uniformed guy/or gal). ooh, a present for me? Cool. I deserve presents. I am wonderful. I feel amazing, and I’m coming to a doorstep near you next. Say goodbye sad box, hello new happy box filled with awesomeness.
Come on in and stay awhile. I’ll make us a nice Mojito to enjoy while we catch up on all the great things you’ve been doing.

Stress is Shit..aka…the route of all evil?

Hi beautiful people,
I have been away for awhile with obligations outside of the blog world (as in bought a new house and what a fun ride that is with paperwork) but I am back again and sooooo very happy to see you all. I hope you’ve been practicing the mirror beauty beauty on the wall, I am the most awesome of them all, or whatever mantras been working for you. If you’ve forgotten, I’m here to remind you, male or female, you are a magnificent creature and you need to remind yourself many times a day. A habit will be made and even if you don’t feel it some days (like when a new grey hair crops up like a corn stalk out of your eyebrow… oh wait, never mind…that’s me) if you keep saying it, it WILL make you feel better.
So todays topic is going to be stress. I’ve been learning alot on how to handle the latest and greatest life mood breakers and how to swerve around them, or at the minimum, hit them like the nasty little speedbumps that are put out like a pair of shoes in the dark that you trip over on the way to relieve yourself for the umpteenth time in the middle of the night because you drank too much champagne in celebration of your awesomeness the night before. Kick ’em out of your way, swear if necessary but you gotta get to where you’re meant to be and a lousy pair of loafers are not gonna slow you down. Hit that bathroom, or your life, run full speed ahead. Don’t look back, don’t look down and for Gods sake, only stop to look in the mirror to tell yourself yet again how beautiful and awesome you are. So where were we before the mental speedbump hit and stubbed our toes, our moods and sent us careening into a mood of pissiness? Stress. Yes, the equivalent of the four letter other word that begins with S and rhymes with hit. Because truly, stress IS shit. Pardon my non French.

Stress….that vile little six letter word. Should be banned from our vocabulary. Should be called what it really is at least:
That which ruins moods
That which should not be spoken aloud
That which will kill us
That which makes a great morning into a hellish afternoon
That which takes us away from being our full happy blissful little selves
That which makes us look old sooner
That which should from henceforth be bannished from your life.

I apologize in advance for the toilet humor today but that is what I think of when I think of stress. Going to the bathroom. Either you handle it like a rock star on a liquid fast or you handle it like a bound up two year old. How do you look at stress and the situations it arises from?

When thrown into a situation that has your insides tied in knots, red in the face and ready to cry, how do you handle it?
When you know darn well if you open your almighty pie hole and let loose it will get messy, you may ruin something (your career, a relationship, could be anything, really) do you pinch the throat sphincter and hold all the nastiness in? Do you say heck with it, poops gotta come out sooner rather than later? Or do you just stew awhile longer and go home to let loose there?

See the comparison? Stress is not a good thing at all. It needs to be set free and flushed from your life as soon as possible. Moments when you feel it on the brim do you start breathing faster and getting anxious? Or do you just take a moment and relax knowing that this too shall pass? Do you find once it has passed that it wasn’t what you thought at all? Maybe it was just a smattering of gas that dissipated quickly and not anything to get too worked up over. Maybe it was just needing a little kick to get itself into gear so that it could pass nicely without all the fuss. Maybe it’s held in until the point it hurts so much from being clogged in your mind that once it blows, well, you get the idea. Maybe it had some spice to it and now you’re afraid of the burn after. Cayenne anyone?

People, beautiful people, you have to learn the signs and see it for what it is. Laugh at it. Talk about it. Call it names if you must. Doo doo, nastiness, poop, shit. It is what it is and guess what?
Shhhhh….everyone has some. Everyone goes through the SAME EXACT THING!!!! Maybe their stress looks pretty and doesn’t seem as foul, but it’s there. Some people’s stress is particularly vile, trying to suck you down the pipe with it, dragging you into the sewer of unhappiness and misery. Get out, pull yourself up and out…don’t let them do it. Don’t let their toxicity taint you.’Cause you’ve got your own. Don’t drown in theirs.
Wipe it away. Don’t use the cheap stuff. Use the gold plated scraper and get that nasty stuff off. You’re worth it.
Breathe in and out with measured breaths. Relax. Loosen up. Let it go. If you are relaxed it will slide away. If you are tight and angry, that’s shits not gonna go anywhere. Try it. You will see that flower fragrant bloom in your mind as you spray away the remnants, leaving yourself scented sweetly and you will walk with your head high. You will smell like a rose. You CAN do it. Turn that switch, hit that handle and be done with it. You are too good for the outhouse of sadness. You deserve the throne of gold. You will feel amazing. You will feel beautiful. You will know that through it all you emerged unscathed. You will stand tall, suck in your tummy and say man, that was amazing. People will look at you like WHAT? But you will lose that stress. You will emerge victorious and once the battle has been won, you’ll wonder what all the fuss was about.
So next time you find yourself stressed think of this tale and decide how are you going to handle that nastiness. I think the choice might be a bit easier. You will feel lighter. You can picture the person causing you stress as a big piece of poop that isn’t going to get the better of you. Scrape ’em off, scoop them up and don’t look back as you take your little gray Baggie of thoughts and deposit them in the big can in your mind. Garbage day is coming soon. Just put the lid on tight so it doesn’t escape and spray the happy thoughts all over your divine self. Be the happy egg. Be the golden egg.