Tag Archives: love

Beyond real-moments of truth

Hello and beautiful Wednesday my friends. The sun is shining and I am not in top form today but you know what? That’s okay. I had to practice my yoga moves last night in bed as both pups decided they too needed the cool night breeze of the fan and to get to it, lay upon any body part of mine that was available. It was so warm and I woke several times in a sweat and I could have gotten pissed and kicked them off but you know what? I didn’t. I pulled my leg up and over them and repositioned myself several times trying to get comfortable and fell back to sleep until the next movement came. The funny thing was each time I woke up, I could see the moon beyond the window and the nicest thoughts just came to mind. Nothing in particular, just moments for me to stop and ponder before falling back into slumber. Now after the fifth time of this I laughed because I wasn’t angry. I felt bad for the pooches and I know they were most likely as uncomfortable as me (or maybe hoped at least that they were). I awoke refreshed and in a positive mood. Now my husband would have booted them onto their own bed but I was realizing just how blessed I was at that very moment, to have my best loved human and creatures beside me. How could I be angry.

So many times when I am feeling irritated and cranky, someone will say something to me and if I am paying attention, I will realize that this truth I am hearing is a blessing. Little things happen in life and they too are a blessing. I went thirty years without my real father in my life and BOOM, he’s back and for being pretty much a complete stranger in many ways to most peoples thoughts, it is like he’s always been there. I don’t know a whole lot about him but I miss him when he’s gone. I tell myself I should pick up the phone and call and then the dog runs off and I’m on the chase living the real life and the thought slips away. There’s always something getting in the way of what I should be doing and then I end up unexpectedly on a tangent with doing something else. I used to used chemo head as an excuse but then realized its been 9 years and the gist of the matter is I just get easily distracted and need to reign in my thoughts. To be present, you know? Then I get irritated that I didn’t follow through. I know life is like this for many people and I hope you somewhat agree with the assessment. To reach out and touch someone (like the old phone commercial) should be so easy. It’s not like we have to forrage for a dime (which then became a quarter and then more) because the cell phone is right there so why not pick it up and make the call? Heck, Superman doesn’t even have a changing stall anymore like the old days. We need to pick up the slack Superpeople and make those calls. I remember the days of the these words coming out of my mouth.

“Maybe I should have checked in”

“I have nothing new to say so why bother”

“I’m sure they’re probably busy and I don’t want to be a pest”

“Why would they want to hear from me?”

What happens when it’s too late? What happens when you get the call that there will be no more? WHat happens when so much time goes by and you keep telling yourself, “oh, I’ll get to it”and then you don’t and now it’s too late? The person who would have been on the other end isn’t here anymore….gone……no goodbyes, no I love you’s….just the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach of coulda,woulda,shoulda…..and now it’s too late. Life is real. Feelings are real. If someone really cares, they will never look at you like you’re a bother, an inconvenience….Never. Ever…..

If you can’t make the call even a simple email will do, just to say Hi, I’m thinking of you. You matter. That’s my beyond real thought. Being real is great but going beyond real to awesomeness is a rock star moment. To feel the love, to hear the tones of the voice, or to just see a beautiful photo taken in the woods by a father who is no longer a stranger, who sent it because he saw it and thought of me. The feeling I know as truth that “I matter” and by sending that one picture and phrase, well my friends, I think I’m truly the richest girl in the world…..And the tears of happiness prove that this grinch (just kidding) can have it’s heart expanded to almost bursting proportions….Now that is REAL.

Thanks Dad for the beautiful photo. I love it. I love you too.

Peace and Blessings my friends, now get out that cell phone and burn some minutes already.

K

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Beyond real-moments of truth

Hello and beautiful Wednesday my friends. The sun is shining and I am not in top form today but you know what? That’s okay. I had to practice my yoga moves last night in bed as both pups decided they too needed the cool night breeze of the fan and to get to it, lay upon any body part of mine that was available. It was so warm and I woke several times in a sweat and I could have gotten pissed and kicked them off but you know what? I didn’t. I pulled my leg up and over them and repositioned myself several times trying to get comfortable and fell back to sleep until the next movement came. The funny thing was each time I woke up, I could see the moon beyond the window and the nicest thoughts just came to mind. Nothing in particular, just moments for me to stop and ponder before falling back into slumber. Now after the fifth time of this I laughed because I wasn’t angry. I felt bad for the pooches and I know they were most likely as uncomfortable as me (or maybe hoped at least that they were). I awoke refreshed and in a positive mood. Now my husband would have booted them onto their own bed but I was realizing just how blessed I was at that very moment, to have my best loved human and creatures beside me. How could I be angry.

So many times when I am feeling irritated and cranky, someone will say something to me and if I am paying attention, I will realize that this truth I am hearing is a blessing. Little things happen in life and they too are a blessing. I went thirty years without my real father in my life and BOOM, he’s back and for being pretty much a complete stranger in many ways to most peoples thoughts, it is like he’s always been there. I don’t know a whole lot about him but I miss him when he’s gone. I tell myself I should pick up the phone and call and then the dog runs off and I’m on the chase living the real life and the thought slips away. There’s always something getting in the way of what I should be doing and then I end up unexpectedly on a tangent with doing something else. I used to used chemo head as an excuse but then realized its been 9 years and the gist of the matter is I just get easily distracted and need to reign in my thoughts. To be present, you know? Then I get irritated that I didn’t follow through. I know life is like this for many people and I hope you somewhat agree with the assessment. To reach out and touch someone (like the old phone commercial) should be so easy. It’s not like we have to forrage for a dime (which then became a quarter and then more) because the cell phone is right there so why not pick it up and make the call? Heck, Superman doesn’t even have a changing stall anymore like the old days. We need to pick up the slack Superpeople and make those calls. I remember the days of the these words coming out of my mouth.

“Maybe I should have checked in”

“I have nothing new to say so why bother”

“I’m sure they’re probably busy and I don’t want to be a pest”

“Why would they want to hear from me?”

What happens when it’s too late? What happens when you get the call that there will be no more? WHat happens when so much time goes by and you keep telling yourself, “oh, I’ll get to it”and then you don’t and now it’s too late? The person who would have been on the other end isn’t here anymore….gone……no goodbyes, no I love you’s….just the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach of coulda,woulda,shoulda…..and now it’s too late. Life is real. Feelings are real. If someone really cares, they will never look at you like you’re a bother, an inconvenience….Never. Ever…..

If you can’t make the call even a simple email will do, just to say Hi, I’m thinking of you. You matter. That’s my beyond real thought. Being real is great but going beyond real to awesomeness is a rock star moment. To feel the love, to hear the tones of the voice, or to just see a beautiful photo taken in the woods by a father who is no longer a stranger, who sent it because he saw it and thought of me. The feeling I know as truth that “I matter” and by sending that one picture and phrase, well my friends, I think I’m truly the richest girl in the world…..And the tears of happiness prove that this grinch (just kidding) can have it’s heart expanded to almost bursting proportions….Now that is REAL.

Thanks Dad for the beautiful photo. I love it. I love you too.

Peace and Blessings my friends, now get out that cell phone and burn some minutes already.

K

Beyond real-moments of truth

Hello and beautiful Wednesday my friends. The sun is shining and I am not in top form today but you know what? That’s okay. I had to practice my yoga moves last night in bed as both pups decided they too needed the cool night breeze of the fan and to get to it, lay upon any body part of mine that was available. It was so warm and I woke several times in a sweat and I could have gotten pissed and kicked them off but you know what? I didn’t. I pulled my leg up and over them and repositioned myself several times trying to get comfortable and fell back to sleep until the next movement came. The funny thing was each time I woke up, I could see the moon beyond the window and the nicest thoughts just came to mind. Nothing in particular, just moments for me to stop and ponder before falling back into slumber. Now after the fifth time of this I laughed because I wasn’t angry. I felt bad for the pooches and I know they were most likely as uncomfortable as me (or maybe hoped at least that they were). I awoke refreshed and in a positive mood. Now my husband would have booted them onto their own bed but I was realizing just how blessed I was at that very moment, to have my best loved human and creatures beside me. How could I be angry.

So many times when I am feeling irritated and cranky, someone will say something to me and if I am paying attention, I will realize that this truth I am hearing is a blessing. Little things happen in life and they too are a blessing. I went thirty years without my real father in my life and BOOM, he’s back and for being pretty much a complete stranger in many ways to most peoples thoughts, it is like he’s always been there. I don’t know a whole lot about him but I miss him when he’s gone. I tell myself I should pick up the phone and call and then the dog runs off and I’m on the chase living the real life and the thought slips away. There’s always something getting in the way of what I should be doing and then I end up unexpectedly on a tangent with doing something else. I used to used chemo head as an excuse but then realized its been 9 years and the gist of the matter is I just get easily distracted and need to reign in my thoughts. To be present, you know? Then I get irritated that I didn’t follow through. I know life is like this for many people and I hope you somewhat agree with the assessment. To reach out and touch someone (like the old phone commercial) should be so easy. It’s not like we have to forrage for a dime (which then became a quarter and then more) because the cell phone is right there so why not pick it up and make the call? Heck, Superman doesn’t even have a changing stall anymore like the old days. We need to pick up the slack Superpeople and make those calls. I remember the days of the these words coming out of my mouth.

“Maybe I should have checked in”

“I have nothing new to say so why bother”

“I’m sure they’re probably busy and I don’t want to be a pest”

“Why would they want to hear from me?”

What happens when it’s too late? What happens when you get the call that there will be no more? WHat happens when so much time goes by and you keep telling yourself, “oh, I’ll get to it”and then you don’t and now it’s too late? The person who would have been on the other end isn’t here anymore….gone……no goodbyes, no I love you’s….just the empty feeling in the pit of your stomach of coulda,woulda,shoulda…..and now it’s too late. Life is real. Feelings are real. If someone really cares, they will never look at you like you’re a bother, an inconvenience….Never. Ever…..

If you can’t make the call even a simple email will do, just to say Hi, I’m thinking of you. You matter. That’s my beyond real thought. Being real is great but going beyond real to awesomeness is a rock star moment. To feel the love, to hear the tones of the voice, or to just see a beautiful photo taken in the woods by a father who is no longer a stranger, who sent it because he saw it and thought of me. The feeling I know as truth that “I matter” and by sending that one picture and phrase, well my friends, I think I’m truly the richest girl in the world…..And the tears of happiness prove that this grinch (just kidding) can have it’s heart expanded to almost bursting proportions….Now that is REAL.

Thanks Dad for the beautiful photo. I love it. I love you too.

Peace and Blessings my friends, now get out that cell phone and burn some minutes already.

K

Missing in action

The white dirty wires wiggled back and forth. The pressure gage remained low, wiggle the wires back and forth again….is there something wrong with the connection? Running fingers and grasping to push forward, connecting the metal screws as volts of energy run through the fingers round the body before the fingers could be pulled back. A scream of terror, of pain courses through as the dog runs frantically up the stairs to hide on the couch. Sitting there as breath moves quickly in and out, fingers red with a throbbing beat that matches the heartbeat. I’m not ready to die was all I could say. 

Electrocution was not on my agenda on Saturday but it all turned out ok. Lessons learned the hard way. I was not patient. I was in a hurry. I was not being present in the moment. I was still dwelling on conversations from the last few weeks with people that were replaying back in my mind like a broken record on 78 speed. The water pressure low because I had forgotten I had laundry going and it had nothing to do with the pump but I had to win the fight, had to get shit done…..had a house showing and felt the pressure building. I guess the jolt brought me back down to earth rather quickly. I walked out into the sun after cuddling the fearful shaking dog and just stood there. Wow….not fun but it was my call to stop and just let it go.

Appreciate the things that are going right, the earth is gonna move with or without me so I may as well stick around and enjoy the ride. This summer is flying by but maybe I can make it slow down, notice the trees as the leaves change color. Appreciate the people I have in my life even more while I have them. Appreciate myself too enough to slow the hell down and pay attention. I’ve been so tired lately and I think a lot of it is just the involvement in everything around me, but not ME. I am listening more to those around me and a lot of the time finding out that people can be mean. That while locked into their own insecurities it enables them to speak out against others faults. I know as I’ve been guilty too in the mean girl mentality, not oftenand rarely but once is enough, right? I hear words and I just want to float away and not be a party to it. But how do you handle someone who is being the mean party in a conversation? I changed the topic and it went away but it made me think of how many times I’ve talked to people and perhaps said something that could be construed as mean? Would I have wanted to know? Maybe I didn’t mean it the way it sounded? Communication can be a tricky thing and I am still learning everyday but in the meantime turning into bubble girl slipping away on the wind to avoid the talk that is needed. If I am going to slow down and enjoy this lovely life, I too must slow down my words and make sure I mean what I say and not say it mean. I want to be that person who will be remembered in a good light. So if we are talking and I’m not saying much, it is because I want to savor what I am hearing and interpret it correctly and not just assume you are being a jackass….just kidding, needed a light hearted moment there. Does it make sense? I often wonder myself as there is so much good in this world and I want to surround myself with goodness and truth and honest feelings, I need to walk away from the people bashing, the comments said light heartedly but That still ring in the ears with the ambulance shrill siren of truth. I hate walking away from a conversation and berating myself for not speaking up, even though the conversation was about someone I didn’t know….by not speaking up, did I just perpetuate the behavior? Let me know what you think I should have done.

So back to the of the  topic at hand, I want to savor each word because you never know when it will be the last, I want to really feel your thoughts, I want to hold hands with those I’m missing and love with each passing day. I want to wake up smiling because it is going to be a beautiful day, rain, snow or glorious sunshine. I want to slow down and take it all in as if today is my last day. I want to know I am thought of in a good way. I want to know I am loved. I am human. I am not perfect but I will keep trying at least to be a better me. If I can’t stay a part of your conversation that sits on my chest like a bolt of electricity, I apologize for the far away look in my eyes as I dream I turn into a shining bubble and float up a little higher than I am now. Someday I may speak out but not right at this second because really, I have too much good happy living to do and can’t be slowed down by the chain of negativity they are trying to tie me up in. 

I apologize for the rant my beautiful friends and if I said anything shocking. I am just tired of the petty meanness of gossip and backstabbing that seems to be taking over around me some days. Mean people suck is my favorite sticker I’ve ever seen and it holds so much truth. I don’t want to play a part of unfolding drama, I just want to live a happy peace life filled with joyous happy people. No downer Debbie’s or nasty Nellies need to apply, no vacancy. Sorry. Life is just too short, truly shocking I know….truly.
note….this is not for any specific person, just a culmination of many events in the last few weeks that have been draining my energy and happy life blood. I need to regain me and maybe by writing this out it is my read for reminding myself to step away from the dark and run like hell back to the light….and to quit playing with wires while distracted too.⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️ thanks for letting me carry on. Zip (not to ever be confused with Zap) peace and blessings beautiful ones. K